Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Mike Jones is having a bad week. The Capitol Hill apartment building where he lives suffered a fire, and he’s out of his place and in a hotel — with just one week to go until he has to turn in his book on his three-year “relationship” with Pastor Ted…

More Snickers

After a few weeks of counseling, Ted Haggard — who just reached a settlement with the New Life Church that dictates he never talk about the Mike Jones scandal that led to his resignation from the church he founded — insists he’s “completely heterosexual.” Never mind the gay porn, the…

Hard to Swallow

Dear Mexican: Why can’t I get a Mexican woman to swallow my cream? Curious Jorge Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexican girls swallow? My girlfriend is Mexican and she gives great head, but at the penultimate moment, she chokes and spits. Gross! So, she won’t fuck because she wants to be…

Short and Sweet

Dear Mexican: I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that have some relation to their given names — for example, Kenny is the nickname for Kenneth, and Jenny for Jennifer. Granted, there are some nicknames that seem like a stretch of logic,…

Help Is at Hand

“I can no longer, with good conscience, tell my neighbors and consituents that ‘the city is on its way,'” Denver City Council President Michael Hancock said in an e-mail to the Hickenlooper administration. Almost six weeks after the first flakes fell, the natives are getting restless. But just imagine if…

The Checkmate’s in the Mail

As of nine this morning, the Denver Election Commission had received 40,039 ballots — and those are ballots filled out by voters, not returned by the U.S. Postal Service as undeliverable (another 30,000 or so), after the DEC had already given itself an A+ on its performance with this single-ballot…

Beating the Tom Tom

In this Miami Herald column, Dave Barry takes off after Colorado representative and perhaps presidential candidate Tom Tancredo. Among other things, Barry calls Tancredo (the subject of a recent blog) an “ignorant yokel blowhard” and a “xenophobic dimwit.” And I am not making this up! “Back in November,” Barry writes,…

I Came, I Thaw

These 50-degree days aren’t just melting snowbanks. They’re going to make a new traffic jam disappear, too. The city has yet to decide on the final design of the new Justice Center, but work has already begun on that project, necessitating the closure of 14th Avenue east of Speer so…

Work It, Baby!

Dear Mexican: This November, a trusted employee of mine came out about his status as an illegal immigrant. Our big-box retail conglomerate’s policy clearly spells out the termination of my employment should I fail to report such an offense, but I love the mojado to death. He’s loyal, punctual and…

Gone, Not Forgotten

Within hours of the death of Darrent Williams, an imprompu shrine sprang up where the Denver Bronco had been shot, with fans leaving candles, notes, flowers, teddy bears, an empty can of Bud Light and jerseys — including one tattered orange Bronco shirt accompanied by this note: “This is my…

A Cut Above

Dear Mexican: I’m a sixty-year-old Chicano and proud. Why do young Chicanos keep imitating blacks? They dress like blacks, talk like blacks, listen to black music and hang with blacks. Aren’t they proud of their own culture? Why don’t they embrace Hispanic ways and learn about Hispanic history? Say It…

First Lady Moving and Hauling

Yesterday afternoon, after making my daily pass by the Darrent Williams shrine, I drove by the old Ritter/O’Brien campaign headquarters at 11th and Bannock. And what did I see but First Lady Jeannie Ritter, loading furniture into the big, green family van. Not supervising — although she had a few…

Dark Angels

Dear Mexican: Why do non-Mexicans consider it a compliment when they tell Mexicans they don’t look Mexican? I am 100 percent Mexican (5’7″, with black hair, brown eyes and olive skin) and ever since I left my home town of El Paso, I’ve been subjected to this backhanded compliment. No…

Kicking Ass

Another day, another Denver story in the national news. But at least the news was good early this morning — as opposed to yesterday’s prediction of another snowstorm snarling the country’s travel, and Sunday’s report of an avalanche at Berthoud Pass. As ABC wrapped up its news reports just before…

Ready, Aim, Fire

“It’s not exactly a secret that Bill Ritter’s people and John Hickenlooper’s people aren’t always filled with love toward one another. But maybe it truly was a coincidence that the inaugural 21-gun salute was fired toward city hall.” That’s the word on the front page — the front page! —…

Election Connection

On Monday, January 15, the Denver Election Commission will start collecting mail-in ballots for the special, one-item election that Denver City Council approved on December 26. But before Denver voters can start turning in those ballots that could make Denver the 63rd out of 64 Colorado counties with an elected…

Shrine On

The unofficial Darrent Williams shrine at 11th and Speer not only survived the most recent snowstorm, but it’s grown. Mourners who marched from the Shelter, the club at 1037 Broadway where Williams was partying on New Year’s Eve, to the site of the shooting left more flowers, more cards, more…

Taking Stock

Bad day for Denver on the national news. On Fox & Friends this morning, the five-minute hourly update included a piece on the Darrent Williams slaying, a segment on Denver’s third big blizzard (including a live report from the National Western Stock Show on the status of all those frozen…

The Shrining

A few hours after news broke that Darrent Williams had been shot dead, people started leaving tributes to the Bronco at the scene of the shooting — hats, signs, cards, flowers. Keith Schrum, associate curator of manuscripts at the Colorado Historical Society, decided to take a look at the unofficial…

Talkin’ Trash

At seven last Friday morning, as I shoveled my walk — again — I watched a city trash truck coming down a nearby street, pause so that the driver could contemplate the right-hand turn that would have led to my rutted, iced-in block — and then continue on in the…

Like a Virgin

Dear Mexican: How did the patron saint of México get a name derived from Arabic? El Moro Judío Dear Jewish Moor: You’re referring to the Virgin of Guadalupe, the brown-skinned apparition of the Virgin Mary whom tradition says appeared before the Aztec peasant Juan Diego in December 1531, just outside…

Darrent Williams: Party Down

December turned Denver into a giant snow globe, sealed off and insulated from the rest of the world — but with a whole lotta shaking going on. Especially at the corner of 11th and Speer Boulevard, where Bronco Darrent Williams was shot dead early New Year’s Day. He was in…