Under Fire: A quick reminder

Dear Tyler,

This is just a quick note from the alternate you, the one who didn't drop out of school and who didn't sign away his future to the restaurant life. 

First off, it feels fantastic not having a burn on your hand that ballooned up like a certain memorable floating object this past week. I enjoy not having to obsessively wash my face to avoid an extra large, pizza-like facial breakout, and while doing two hours of homework a day is annoying, it's nice having about six hours a day free to do anything. 

Most of all, it's nice being able to sustain the long- distance relationship you had going for you the last year. At least you had weekends to go down to see her, but that kinda went out the window along with basic communication. How much do you enjoy cutting shallots now?


Unreal Tyler. 

P.S. You probably enjoy cutting shallots that much don't you?!? You're fucking crazy.