Valentine’s Day: What not to serve your beloved

That special day is coming right up. The day when your significant other — whether it’s on credit or true love — will ask what you’re going to make for dinner.

If it’s not reservations, you need to plan your Valentine’s Day evening very, very carefully.

Here’s what not to do:

1. When you head to the local liquor store for a wine-flavored beverage and find the top shelf out of your price range, do not grab that strawberry-flavored wine at $3.99.

2. Do not serve a starter that consists of those stale tortilla chips you found stashed on shelving above the fridge, covered in cheese from an aerosol can and accompanied by a side of pickled jalapenos.

3. Although the convenience may be tempting, do not make a run through the local McD’s for a bag of burgers and fries — not even if you supersize it and ask for extra ketchup.

4. Everyone says that more than a handful is too much; still, as you walk out of the local Wally-mart with a pocket full of change, fight the urge to put a couple of quarters in the grimy glass container by the door to grab your evening’s dessert: ancient M&Ms.

5. No matter what you serve for dinner, do not finish off the night by suggesting you share a bottle of Cooks champagne while watching monster truck racing on the speed channel.

Now, where’s the Spanish Fly?

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