Today's release of Britney Spears new album, Femme Fatale, not to mention her disappointing appearance on Good Morning America, has inspired us to reminisce about our favorite Britney personalities. We aren't here to judge, but we are here to make fun of her and all of her absurd personalities. (Okay, and to judge.)
Britney's had her fair share of problems, but no one really cares when pop stars are doing fine and on the right track. We only pay attention when these dumb bitches are making huge mistakes, getting drunk, falling down and shaving their heads. So thank you, Britney, for giving us a decade of sweet, sweet jams and total breakdowns. To mark the occasion, let's honor the memories of all the ways you were completely fucking weird.
5. Preggars/Mommy Britney All the women out there love nothing better than to see a once hot, thin, abs-of-steel lady turn into a blubbering fatty. Let's be real... we all knew it was going to end badly, and we relished the secret joy of watching it all fall apart. The pregnancy didn't give us as much pleasure as we'd hoped, but her cleavage-revealing interviews and baby-dropping antics afterward were absolutely worth putting up with her lame ass "My Baby" video.
4. Chaotic Britney If you didn't watch Britney and Kevin: Chaotic please Google it. It appeared on UPN, and that alone should tell you something. Brit and K-Fed are constantly high or drunk, and her weird night vision interactions with the camera make us not only vastly uncomfortable, but left in complete and utter wonderment. It's clear from this show that the pop star was a bit lost, but we stuck with her antics the entire way. Why? Because we're media junkies and she is our media-dealing whore.
3. Fat and Out of it Britney In the 2007 VMA appearance our little Britney looked... well... fucking out of it. It's not the weight that shocked us -- we like curves -- but rather her zombie-walk on stage. We think it was supposed to be dancing, but really, standing there while other people dance around you doesn't make it look like you, yourself, are dancing. It makes you look like you, yourself, can't dance anymore. And in the end, it doesn't matter how much your life has crumbled. Fans still want to see your chubby ass in a sequined bikini, badly lip-synching. We want to see you...fail. It's Britney, bitch!
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2. Bald Britney We all know women cut their hair after a break-up, but normally after we chop off our locks we are in a better mood. Britney attacked the paps with an umbrella. Fucking awesome. And the Mary Poppins-like umbrella attack mode leads us directly into our number one...
1. British Britney This is by far our favorite Britney. Remember when she started dating that douchebag paparazzi guy, Adnan Ghalib? Her accent was a jaw-dropping and unbearable mix of bad British and trailer park trash. We all knew the second we heard this Louisiana darlin' asking for the loo that we were in for quite a ride. Seriously, who did she think she was? Madonna?