Yesterday, the Canadian equivalent of the FCC decided to ban the Dire Straits song "Money for Nothing" from the radio because of the use of a certain slur. Fair enough, but it seems like they might be a little late to the party, as we're pretty certain Mark Knopfler and Sting really couldn't care less at this point. Even so, there are plenty of other classic, pre-1985 songs that are prime for hitting the chopping block. Click through for some potentially offensive tunes.
10. Vapors - "Turning Japanese"
The band has vehemently denied rumors that this song is about masturbation, but considering how politically correct people are, the implication alone is enough to make this song offensive to anyone who has thought a stalker might be turning Japanese to take a picture of them.
9. The Knack - "My Sharona"
Most people just assume this is a song filled with random gibberish and the call of "My Sharona" here and there, but what they're missing in between the stuttering vocals is the fact this is clearly a song about this dude who really wants to bang this Sharona girl, whether she likes it or not.
8. AC/DC - "The Jack"
It's a hit song about venereal disease. Need we say more?
7. Randy Newman - "Short People"
Short people everywhere should be more up in arms about this one. It's about how short people are all incompetent and have no reason to live because of their little hands and the fact that they lie all the time. Or something. In 1978, a bill was introduced in Maryland to ban the song, but it never passed. Maybe a vertically challenged Canadian should give it a try.
6. Chuck Berry - "My Ding-a-Ling"
Despite the fact that Berry claims this song is about some bells on a string, we're pretty damn certain this song is about, um, a ding-a-ling. That is to say, his penis, in case you missed it.
5. The Rolling Stones - "Brown Sugar"
Just so we're all on the same page here: This song appears to be about raping slaves.
4. Dean Martin and Doris Day- "It's Cold Outside"
There shouldn't be any question about the fact this song is really about Dean Martin getting a woman drunk so that she stays over at his house because it's fucking cold outside. The banter between Dean Martin and Doris Day might be cute to your grandma after a couple of drinks, but to anyone with any sense, it's about spiking some gal's adult beverage and forcing her into staying over. She even tries to leave a few times, but he keeps refilling (and spiking!) her drink, like a frat boy on a binge.
3. Carl Douglas - "Kung Fu Fighting"
While most racial slurs have already been obliterated from the pop-culture lexicon, for some reason this fucking song still gets played all the time. Sure, calling one who is from China a "Chinaman" isn't as offensive as some other things, but it's definitely not appreciated. Unless the song's actually about cricket, in which case we're incredibly confused as to why a left-handed bowler would be chopping anything at all.
2. The Crystals - "He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)"
What's worse, a song that uses the a potentially offensive term in order to prove a point, or one that's explicitly about beating a woman?
1. Genesis - "Illegal Alien"
This was initially supposed to be some type of satire, but because Phil Collins is a fucking putz, it ends up being a remarkably offensive mockery of illegal immigrants. There is a thin line between mockery and satire, a line that was apparently invisible to the folks in post-Peter Gabriel Genesis.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.