Dear Everybody All At Once,
Greetings from NY. It's cold here and my apartment is covered in weird wallpaper from the 1940s with a bunch of googly Shakespearean cartoons all over it. I found that out when I ripped down the wallpaper that was there already. Sometimes life surprises you a little bit at a time.
A cop car just went whoo whoo quik-flash by. Did you hear it?
Anyway, sorry to write you all at once like this but my fingers don't want to type it all over and over again. I want to tell you about this webpage I just made for my old, out-of-print/obscure/impossible-to-find records. This website took me forever to make and I am proud of it.
It is here: http://patrickporter.bandcamp.com/
See, let me explain. I have made a lot of records over the past decade and some of them were released on fancy labels with distro and stuff (I call them my 'Sunday Best' records because they were the ones that got gussied up for grandmaw and the I-Tunes grid), while others were released on smaller labels that, while being beautiful little labels and all, either went out of business or disappeared or found Jesus and locked themselves in a cupboard. So these particular records of mine were essentially out of print and impossible to find unless you happened to live next door to the guy who put them out.
So people asked me about em here and there and I always had to grumblingly admit that those records were dead in the water, sucked into the bathub cracks, gone forever, etc, and that made me sad. And then finally some privy stylish guy that I know told me about the websites where you can upload yer own damn discs and anyone who wants to listen to em can listen to em for FREE. Or, if they want to download em to their computer, they can pay a marginal amount or whatever, and it goes straight into the pocket of the person who made the record. ME. Everybody and their brother is doing this these days but I am so rigidly solipsistic that I had never a notion of it. So now ladies and gentlemen, I have JOINED THE PARADE.
So this site of mine has 4 or 5 of my old weird records that were about as underground as underground can get, until now. And now YOU can sit at the computer, drink a beer, and listen to em all for free. I personally like sitting at the computer, drinking beer and listening to music for free, so I am glad to pass this savings onto you.
Just so you know, most of these records were recorded lo-fi and on the fly, in crummy NY apartments (like the one I live in now) where the landlord wanted to evict me, or kill me, or both, or in haunted barns in Colorado, or broomclosets on Colfax, whatever, and as a result they are a pretty pure sign o' their times. They are probably the most snarling ghouls of my discography, but I like em best, and I'm glad they're back.
So anyway, if you know anybody who likes very very VERY obscure records recorded by hoola-hoop moons in gutbuckets while the mules walk the floor hee haw like in1942 while Alan Lomax grapples with his pencap, then please feel free to do me a favor and pass this link on. And tell em to stomp on the floor while they're at it. There are too many cobwebs in here.
AS A BONUS VACUUM CLEANER incentive I have included my newest record "Bachelor Pad Blue; Bent Pants and Stray Cats" in the mix. This record was made this year, in Colorado, during a time of my life when I was feeling weird in general. This record is a case study of that time period when you just broke up with someone, moved 2,000 miles away from them, and you're lonely. That time is kind of a lite-blue donut hole that got burped up by a horse. Ya know?
OK well I hope you take my little drill to heart here. Have fun listening to my weird records at the computer and have a Brewski for me while yer at it. And feel free to tell em Porter sent you. Because Porter is ME.
I hope yr all having a good x-mas er whatever. (Perfunctory)
HO HO HO.
The kids are doing fine. Little Billy just turned 12 and he likes to jumprope with a boa constrictor.
"Santa" Patrick Porter c. 1977