MC Hammer recently decided the best way to rekindle his once massive flame was to start a beef with Jay-Z in the way of diss track called "Better Run Run," boasting lines like, 'That boy tried to steal my swag/His finger prints all over the bag." While it might have sounded good on paper -- start beef with Jay-Z, video goes viral, Hammer is back on top -- the gesture has kind of backfired. Jay-Z didn't have much of a response to the whole thing, other than saying that he had no plans to respond with a diss track of his own. Too bad. It would have all been like David and Goliath -- well, if David had once worn parachute pants and rapped to kids, that is. Click through for a list of five other monumentally stupid beefs.
5) Justin Bieber vs. Everyone
Justin Bieber thinks people don't believe that he's the most talented piece of business around. So what's he going to do to prove to everyone on the planet that he's on top of his game? He's going to release an acoustic record. You tell 'em Bieber -- because we all know studio tricks don't work on acoustic albums.
4) 50 Cent vs. Young Buck
The 50 Cent and Young Buck beef isn't just stupid, it's unbelievably boring. We know what you're thinking, "50's involved and it's boring? Bullshit." Sorry to break it to you, but this one stemmed from 50 Cent loaning Young Buck money to pay his taxes. Buck went on talking shit about 50 in interviews and ripping on his lack of royalty payments, to which 50 got pissed and, well, whatever. Seriously guys, you couldn't have made this more entertaining? It's about money and taxes!
3) Eminem vs. Adam Lambert
We actually could have picked Eminem versus just about anyone, but this one's our favorite because it was almost a non-strarter. The allegation was that Eminem called out a few prominently gay singers as being gay on his song "Elevator," with the hope the singers were going to respond with shock and horror. Turns out he actually just says, "fake, it's," which in Slim Shady-language certainly sounds like what you'd think it would sound like. Weird thing is, calling Lance Bass, Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken gay, if that was even his intention, is like calling an apple red.
2) Joni Mitchell vs. Bob Dylan
This one falls under the WTF notion of the list. Why the hell would Joni Mitchell even bother starting beef with Bob Dylan? Well, because she hates him, apparently. In an interview with the LA Times she once said, "Bob is not authentic at all. He's a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is a deception." That's all well and good, few people will argue that Dylan doesn't borrow rather liberally from sources, but a plagiarist? That's a little too far. As far as his name, we feel like we should point out that Joni Mitchell's real name is Roberta Joan Anderson, and if he's been faking that voice all these years, then he's a goddamned Andy Kaufman level genius. As far as we can tell, Dylan has yet to respond.
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1. Billy Corgan vs. Courtey Love, H1N1 Vaccine
We couldn't decide which was more ridiculous, Corgan versus Love or Corgan versus H1N1 Vaccine, so we just lumped them in together. Corgan and Love's little spat was well documented on Twitter, with Corgan calling Love out for being a bad songwriter and parent (?) -- Love started to attack back, but eventually just ignored him. More notably, Billy Corgan tried starting beef with the H1N1 vaccine, something that couldn't have fought back. Now that's just low.