This year, MTV has mercifully decided to scrap the host for their infamous Video Music Awards show, and honestly, we couldn't be happier. Look, we tune in mostly just to find out who Britney's going to play tonsil hockey this year and to see what new and varied ways Kanye West is going to be making an ass of himself, not to endure a bunch of overly-scripted comedians succeed at not being even remotely funny, hosts like these ones from past VMAs.
5. Christian Slater The year 1993 was a fabulous one for Christian Slater. He was wicked hot, so it wasn't that we didn't want to see his super cool Pump Up the Volume hair and didn't yearn for that Jack Nicholson-esque voice, but...what the hell was Christian Slater doing on the VMAs? He isn't funny, and isn't that kind of the point of a host? We want to be entertained, and since the music is taken care of, we want some funny. We're thinking that this was the year MTV was just trying to play their cool card up to their target audience young girls. And that left us...bored.
4. Chelsea Handler Bluntly, she sucked. But it wasn't her fault. Chelsea's handling of the 2010 VMA hostess job was, we believe, threatened with serious censoring... which only made for a vastly uncomfortable time for all. From the beginning, it was clear that it was going to be a bumpy ride; her punch lines fell flat and some of her racial jokes were just downright distasteful. But again, it was because she was clearly being told what she could and couldn't say. And we all know, these types of restrictions always end in disaster. It was just as uncomfortable as Diana Ross playing with Lil Kim's tit. Awwwkkkkwaaaard.
3. Russell Brand We loved him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but lets be real...that was one movie, and it can't last for an entire show, let alone for two years in a row. Just because you play the lead singer of a band in a movie doesn't mean you should be the host of the VMAs. It wasn't that we didn't like him making fun of the Jonas Brothers and Twilight; it's that he has a shtick. And we hate shticks. The thing is, at the time, we didn't even know who the hell he was, so, for us, he was just some guy who sounded like he was from London. And you have to have more than that going for you. Even on MTV.
2. Roseanne Barr We don't know if it was Roseanne's big hair, her whiney voice or her way-too-skimpy dresses, but her performance sort of made us want to die. We appreciate that she was the first female to host the awards show, and we even dig her trailer-park-chic act, but her entire performance made it far too apparent that she was reading every predictable joke off the teleprompter. It wasn't that Roseanne wasn't popular in 1994, but we're thinking her time would've been better spent back in Lanford with Jackie and Dan.
1. Sarah Silverman We know that everyone loooovvveees Sarah Silverman for her raunchy, unapologetic humor, but when you actually stoop to making your lips into the shape of what you believe to be Britney Spears' vah-jay-jay? It's just lame. And that is precisely what Silverman did in 2007. The funniest thing about her jokes were the shocked reactions from the audience, who you can see watching wide-eyed, thanking their own personal gods (and their managers) that it wasn't them up on stage. It wasn't that Sarah was offensive -- it was that she wasn't offensively funny. Better to have no host than one that actually makes a show worse... which may well be what MTV is thinking this year.
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