We all know that Kim Kardashian sucks. What we didn't know is the vast range of her sucktitude. Have you listened to her new "Jaaammmm?" Because it is terrible and awesome. It is terr-awesome. It is the Hindenberg in skinny jeans. Oh, the humanity.
It's always wickedly entertaining when reality stars step beyond their talent. All the Kardashians dabble in fashion, beauty products and food advertisements, but music? Why, why, WHY! would Kim attempt to sing? She has so many other distractions that make her millions, make her famous, and make her more palatable than she deserves to be. In other words, a Kardashian.
5. Credit Cards
This pre-paid credit card has been called one of the worst credit cards in history, but marketing it to kids? Brilliant. "The Kardashian Kard" costs between $60 and $100 to activate, a monthly $7.95 fee and a plethora of $1 to $10 various "screw you" fees that may be applied. I don't know why she terminated this contract; who cares if you are marketing to teens?!? Let them spend all their money on fees and learn a lesson. Get back on the money train, Kim! It's quite the lucrative biz.
4. Sex Tapes
We all love a good sex tape, and this one was no exception. In 2007, a porn surfaced in which she was featured with her then-boyfriend Ray J. She initially sued Vivid Entertainment, but dropped the suit for...$5 million dollars. Although the tape featured way too much of Ray J trying to look cool, it was still pretty money. She's pretty damn hot and a ton of people bought the video, so our suggestion is to make home videos, have an assistant leak them to the press, sue and make a cool couple of million for showing your ta-ta's online. It's not like we haven't already seen them, so if you can make more cash (and less music), more the better.
3. Reality Shows
The Kardashians don't do anything. I mean, not really. They shop, go to parties and try to look busy at their various business endeavors that other people run, but, really? They are getting paid for being rich and pretty on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don't move outside your box, Kim. Stay in there. It's good to be gorgeous and a bajillionaire; the public doesn't need you to do anything other than nothing. We just want to stare at you. Stop singing. Please.
2. Workout Videos
Fit In Your Jeans By Friday is Kim's workout video series. The three DVD pack is only $39.99, and even if you don't work out or lose weight, you can watch Kim "sweat it out" for a couple of hours. OR, if you're having a bad day, pop it in and have a good laugh. At $14.99 a pop, Kim could market these vids to fat women's husbands all over the world and never have to "work" again. It's a public service either way. Much like, in her case, not singing.
1. Having the best ass in America
Look at it. Iz niiiiccce, yes?
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