In case you haven't heard, Mama Gaga is going on tour with Lady in hopes of preventing her from going on the "drinking diet." Apparently, Ma'ga, concerned about her egg-dwelling offspring, demanded she accompany her daughter on tour. We love the idea. Frankly, we think more parents should take an interest in their child's hobbies.
Imagine the trouble the more reckless stars would avoid (and the fabulous music that could be inspired) with just a smidge of supervision. Now, we aren't suggesting that parents go all Jamie Spears on their progeny, but we do think that with all the recent shake-ups some of these musicians have been having, a little motherly supervision may not be the worst idea.
5. Ke$ha Ke$ha makes enough fashion mistakes to require a team of people to assist her, but when she recently announced that she wants to have a Britney or Ke$ha dress-up party and skinny dip with Brit, someone needs to step in. We all make some bad decisions, but one's desire to emulate one of the most troubled pop stars of all times calls for a mom's desperate intervention. We believe that Pebe (Yes, that is her real name) owes it to her fashion challenged, talentless daughter to slap sense into her. Please, Pebe...do it for us.
4. Adele Honestly, this entry was going to be Justin Bieber, but since his mom already goes on tour with him, we thought it best to place an older, more deserving chick in his place: Sweet, sweet Adele. Look, it's not that we dislike the lady, but creating an entire album about your ex-boyfriend is...well, a little sad and desperate. We just want her to be happy and get over this tool without forcing all of us to suffer right along with her. Perhaps her mom could sign her up for a dating service or place some sort of ad. Or at least be there to say, "Honey, I just don't think he's that into you." Adele needs a shoulder to cry on, and that shoulder can't be the American buying public for her whole career.
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3. Flavor Flav Flav is in desperate need of his mom to knock the ever-living shit out of him. Not only is he a habitual womanizer (he has like 30 kids), but now he's writing bad checks to employees. Come on! One thing a good mom will always teach her son is to respect the ladies and never ever bounce a damn check. We firmly believe that Flav's crazy may be tamed just a bit if his mom was sitting in front of him while he filled out the checks, all while yelling at him to "take off that goddamn clock!" Damn, Ms. Flav, if you'd been around earlier, we could have avoided a whole mess of VH1 programming.
2. Lil Wayne Our guess is that Lil Wayne's mother was not present when he got that tattoo on his face. Nor was she in the room when he decided tax evasion was the way to go. (Weezy now reportedly owes the IRS over $5 Million.) And she certainly had no say when he opted to do an interview with Paris Hilton. Now we are certain that she didn't throw a huge fit when he set her up in a new pad, but Jocita, we're begging you, for all that is good and well in the pimp cup, stop him before he does something crazy like cut his hair or go on a North American comedy tour.
1. Chris Brown
Dear Ms. Hawkins,
Your son has thrown fits all over Hollywood, been incarcerated, and beat the hell out of a woman. Please start traveling around with him to get him under control because... if you don't put an end to his psychotic outbursts, we will beat his punk ass into submission.
Yours truly, Humankind