Unless you've had your head parked squarely up your hiney for the last month or so, you've heard that May 21 is Judgement Day (aka The Rapture) -- that's this Saturday, people! It's really far too late to stockpile six months of food or build that cozy bomb shelter you and your besties have been talking about.
So you should just come to grips with the fact that you're gonna suffer with the rest of us sinners until October 21, when the world ends, and the big JC comes down and BOOM! Dunzo. As long as we're going out, we might as well have some kick-ass songs by which to stroll into hell. That said, here's our end of days playlist.
5. Blondie - Rapture We understand this song isn't really about the rapture taking place this Saturday, but if you're going to go out, go out in style. And Debbie Harry, circa every single decade ever, has massive amounts of style. We're thinking when J-Dawg comes down she's gonna not only give him fashion tips, but kick his ass. This 1981 song has a eerie tone and we are going to pretend that the man from mars is actually Jesus. Jesus will eat your car. Eat your bar. And eventually eat your guitar. And if that's not a metaphor worthy of Revelations, we don't know what is.
4. The Doors - The End Break-ups kind of feel like the end of the world, and Jim Morrison absolutely makes us feel like this song is about more than just his ex-girlfriend. Morrison's deep, haunting voice paired with dreary, dramatic lyrics bring us to a day when there seems like no tomorrow. The ability Morrison has to draw us in with his complex imagery allows this song to morph. We create its meaning with every guitar strum and every pitch change. And right now? Right now this is about the end with a capital E. So come on baby...take a chance with us.
3. The Misfits - Astro Zombie "Prime directive, exterminate the whole fuckin' place well." Okay, so we know if shit goes down and this really is it, there are bound to be zombies. There's gonna be some weird strain of virus that gets loose when the earthquakes hit, and it's gonna make some people start eating brains. This song isn't really about Jesus coming back to earth, but it does address the pain and agony that all of us non-believers will be going through. And, hey, we kind of hope there will be zombies because it will give us something to do in the next six months. P.S. This is a great song to speed up your run from all the zombies. Download it. Just saying.
2. Muse - Apocalypse Please This song is all about the end of the world and kind of implies that we deserve it. The crazies that are buying this block of bullshit truly believe that it's time for something biblical, so why not give them a soundtrack? Honestly, we're a little shocked if this baby isn't played on Christian radio stations all over the world on Saturday. Muse is known for their long instrumental awesomeness, and this song provides the perfect drama for those who crave it. Wrap your babies up tight, kids. This is the end of the world.
1. Johnny Cash - The Man Comes Around Any song that opens by quoting Revelations 6:1-2 ("...and I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the Four Beasts saying 'Come and see.' And I saw. And behold, a white horse.") is bound to make the hair stand up on your neck. This 2002 song was one of the last songs Cash ever wrote before his death, and there's finality in its bones. Its creepy tone, and the way Cash speaks all of the Bible verses makes you feel like he knows the world is ending and you better be wicked prepared. Because if not, nobody will save you. And let's be honest here, if Johnny Cash were leading the way? Heaven or Hell, we'd be right behind him.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.