Poptimystic: Taio Cruz did what?!?

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Taio Cruz is a British dude who wrote and produced for A-listers until 2008, when he stepped in front of a mike. Now, two years later, he has broken a Hot 100 record by having the Ludacris-assisted remix of his single "Break Your Heart" enter the chart last week at 53 and make the ridiculous climb to number one this week.

That's a little misleading -- it's not like the world had never heard the song until fourteen days ago. In fact, it's been around since September, and the Luda version was a b-side on a digital release in November. We are left to assume that its success as a single has more to do with good timing and the increasing irrelevance of chart records than anything else.

Taio Cruz and his synth-glitter headed a relatively drastic shakeup of the top ten, including a return to number two for Lady Antebellum, aka the most boring band in America. We have no idea what qualifies one to be a country band, but it's maybe telling that Taylor Swift appears to have more cred than these guys in the world of country music. They're doing gangbusters over in adult contemporary, however.

Also involved in the shakeup was Rihanna, who earned her second top ten hit off Rated R, which is looking like a slow burner. "Rude Boy," is presumably a reference to her Caribbean roots, and we're pretty meh about it. She's a pretty terrible singer, so slow tempos and prominent melodies aren't really in the wheelhouse.

"BedRock" remains atop the airplay chart. Enjoy it while it lasts, Young Money. Remember when D12 was huge for a second in 2004? Yeah, they're a much better rap group than Young Money. And pretty soon, when Drake and Nicki Minaj release their solo albums, everyone's going to remember than none of those other dudes can rap for shit. Gudda Gudda? Seriously?

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