Concerts

Raver Girls and you: A pictorial guide to how to escape these dangerous predators

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The markings on this lady's teats clearly peg her as an excellent specimen of homo skankiens, a fearsome and majestic hunter. She displays her battle scars -- and her mammaries -- proudly. Even more so than a cargo van full of hard candy and scented oils, this is possibly the most terrifying sight a human can witness: Teeth bared and adorned in ceremonial garb, this lady inflates herself into the "intimidation posture," hypnotizing you like a cute, tiny little bunny rabbit before a venomous snake. In this scenario, the best course of action is to drop to the ground and throw sand in her eyes, temporarily blinding her until you can make your escape. Like an astrophysical singularity, this one's gravity is forceful enough that even her clothing has collapsed upon itself, forming what scientists call "rave matter." Those who approach her will suffer a similar fate, drawn like a bug in a whirlpool over the cusp, falling inexorably toward an event horizon of nipple.

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Jef Otte
Contact: Jef Otte