Taylor Swift starts at 1:13 and ends at 1:17, making it through a couple lines. Her delivery isn't horrible, but you can't do bashful if you're trying to be Nicki Minaj. We'll give her a a little leeway on the grounds that she's the only one of the three surrounded by presumed strangers and being goaded. But she could have just refused. Verdict: two and a half ninja swords
Selena Gomez also goes with "Super Bass," which is a hard song to rap. You've got to hand it to Selena for keeping up. Bieber's tabloid-alleged girlfriend clearly practiced, though, and the whole thing has a very staged feel to it. Still, unlike Taylor's rendition, it's not like we could do that in front of a camera.Verdict: three and a half ninja swords
Michelle Trachtenberg still kills us every time with her radio rap-along to Nicki's "Shakin' It 4 Daddy" verse. Incidentally, Robin Thicke owes his best two songs to Young Money rappers, but that is neither here nor in the Holland Tunnel, where Dawson and Trachtenberg were driving when this thing happened. Rapping aside, she's doing a pretty convincing job with the fireball of personality that is Nicki Minaj here, and the circumstances of this just make it that much better. Verdict: four and a half ninja swords
For the record, Patrick Stump is considering giving the a cappella treatment to Nicki Minaj for his next home video. Go vote on that, because watching him do David Bowie would be way more boring. And here's Nicki doing "Super Bass," which is one of, like, two songs on Pink Friday that does her justice.