Shaun White has a band. The group's called Bad Things, and it just signed a record deal with Warner Bros. White plays guitar in the outfit, and surprisingly Bad Things is, well, not bad. But White's clearly the anomaly here, as almost every other jock who has tried to rock has failed. Miserably. Here's a rundown of the worst outings.
10. John McEnroe Are you effing kidding? Sure, we loved his racquet-throwing ways, and we couldn't get enough of his crazy, profane-filled outbursts. So maybe if he just screamed profanity into the microphone we would've been more excited when in 1995, McEnroe and his band "The Package" (We can't make this shit up) started playing gigs.
9. Carl Lewis Not only did he make a video that literally leaves you wondering "What the...what!?," but it also makes us sad that some assbag in 1987 told this track and field legend "Yeah, you're money, man!" And he didn't give up after all the ridicule; he again felt the need to slaughter the National Anthem in 1993.
8. Deion Sanders "Prime Time" released Prime Time in 1994, and it seems that Deion's music was more about highlighting how awesome he thought he was rather than focusing on any type of musical abilities. We appreciated his douchebagery on Sundays, but please, please stop releasing albums. The sale of one album just isn't worth it, man.
7. Shaquille O'Neal There are a plethora of bad rappers in this world, but Shaq has got to be in the top three. In 1993 he released his first album, Shaq Diesel, and with the exception of maybe Shaq's mom, the rest of the world hated it. It also didn't help that he's ginormous and insisted on releasing absurd and ridiculous music videos. When you proclaim how "outstanding" you are...in a video...you're an ass.
6. Kobe Bryant Long story short, Sony signed Bryant in 2000...and then dropped his ass quickly because, frankly, he sucked. This suckitude is on full display in his video for "K.O.B.E." (featuring Tyra Banks -- and honestly, if you're depending on Miss America's Next Top Model to inexplicably enhance your musical talent pool...you're screwed). Just because Jay-Z loves you doesn't mean you're automatically a rapper.
5. Macho Man Randy Savage Maybe some of you don't consider wrestling a sport, but we do...because oiling one's self up and rolling around with other oiled up guys is hard. Trust me. Macho Man released his album (yes, an entire album), Be A Man, in 2003. Sure the album was a joke, but our all-time favorite song on it was the late-wrestler's tribute to his deceased homie Mr. Perfect ("Perfect Friend"). So terr-awesome.
4. Roy Jones Jr. In 2001, Boxer-turned-"rapper" Roy Jones Jr. filled up his debut, Round One: The Album, with a crapton of already established R&B/rappers...and it still sucked. This is a case of an athlete having a ton of famous fans and then calling in a bunch of favors. The sad thing is that the fix was in, the ringers working, and still, the music was awful. Way to spend your capital, Roy.
3. Oscar de la Hoya We hate when hot guys who have talent try to branch out, do something they suck at and fail. Horribly. Stick to what you know, hot guys! Famous boxer Oscar de la Hoya released his Grammy-nominated album in 2000. We aren't quite sure how this album received a Grammy nod, but we're fairly certain it had something to do with the BeeGees (they wrote some of the songs), and that he's hot. Still. Wicked hot.
2. Bronson Arroyo It's not like Red Sox fans don't already have enough to be pissed about, but then Arroyo goes and decides he's a wicked good musician. In 2005, Bronson released an album, Covering The Bases, where he just sings other band's songs (get it? "Covering" the bases. It's almost like a joke!) And then the Sox traded his lame ass in 2006, which we don't think is a coincidence.
Chicago Bears SuperBowl Shuffleby jeromeerome
1. The Chicago Bears Uhhhh...we're not sure what to say about this other than this 1985 video released by the Chicago Bears ("Superbowl Shuffle") kind of feels like watching our drunk uncles hit on our friends -- we're repulsed, but can't turn away. Fucking awesome. Sad and awesome.