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Big Bucks for Builders: A Kenny Be Special Report

(Editor's Note: This week's cover story is "Big Bucks for Builders," a cartoon by Kenny Be. Click on the images for full-sized versions. And check back to the Latest Word for Kenny's Worst-Case Scenario and Hip Tip cartoons. His full archives, along with Westword's other comics, are available at westword.com/comics.)

The Colorado construction industry is banking on $1.4 billion of President Obama's bailout bucks. Governor Ritter plans to use that economic stimulus money putting jobless builders back to work on road repair projects. Commendable, sure, but the plan lacks excitement. We need more than fix-it funds. We need a vision for the future, where builder bailouts can turn into a building bonanza ...

The "cornerstone project" will be to turn the Denargo Market into the Port of Denver. Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska and Colorado will all get economic stimulus monies to turn the Mississippi, Missouri and South Platte Rivers into a canal that can handle cruise ships.

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The Port of Denver will bring International hotel chains to Brighton Boulevard, and day-trippers to the Ballpark District by the boatload!

The entire state will benefit from the Colorado Mountain Subway system. For the expense of six tunnel-boring machines, we can finally start solving our mountain traffic problems by digging all six subway lines simultaneously.

This project may look expensive, but it is being built inside of the mineral-rich Rocky Mountains. With all of the gold extracted during construction, it will pay for itself.

Colorado builders will need to cooperate on a national scale in order to maximize all economic synergies. They can start immediately by building multi-level car-lots structures to store the expanded production of cars (induced by auto-industry bailout bucks) until consumers can afford to buy again.

Greedy builders helped to get us into our current economic mess, and they can help get us out, simply by "unbuilding" each of the foreclosed homes on the market and replacing it with a solar-paneled windmill. This state-of-the-art solution would stabilize the value of real estate as it provides sustainable energy to nearby homes--and ultimately to the Colorado building industry.

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