Big Oil slime responsible for slick Capitol Hill Apartment design: Kenny Be's Sign Language

The Deepwater Horizon oil spill off the coast of Louisiana is currently called a "disaster," but that will change with time. Because Americans love petroleum more than life itself, they will no doubt find a way to turn this catastrophe into cash. Imagine Carnival's pirate-themed cruises through flaming seas and Monsanto's genetically modified oil-sucking prawns that can heat a house for a week and feed a family of four on Friday.

Like the Capitol Hill apartments pictured above, oil companies will be revered and idolized for their cultural contributions. Even when a wrench is thrown into the works, like in the building's address, everything has a way of turning out more beautifully than anyone ever imagined. Now quit wringing your hands and get to work.

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