Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen's ex, gets deferred sentence for coke possession, tantrum

When we named Charlie Sheen's ex-wife Brooke Mueller Shmuck of the Week this past December, we only knew the barest details about her arrest in Aspen on cocaine-and-assault-related charges. Does her deferred sentence in the case call this award into question? Not really judging by info from a just-released police report, which depicts a screaming fit and a clumsy attempt to hide the coke.

According to the Aspen Times, the Aspen Police Department waited until this week to release the police report, supposedly because the case was still under investigation, and not due to Mueller's celebrity-by-association status and previous notoriety as a victim of crime, rather than the perpetrator of it. As you'll recall, bad boy Sheen was busted in December 2009 for threatening and assaulting Mueller. He later pleaded guilty to misdemeanor third-degree assault and served his sentence at a rehab center in Malibu.

As for Mueller's own run-in with the law, it began at around 11:30 p.m. on December 3 at the Belly Up nightclub. A week or so earlier, the Belly Up had been the scene of a bomb threat allegedly called in by a fan of the band Zeds Dead who thought he could sneak into the sold-out show amid the confusion. But while the headliner was different -- the Sublime cover band 40 Oz. to Freedom topped the bill -- the weirdness was similar.

The police report quoted by the Times recounts an interview with a quasi-hysterical Llana Hora Castillo Pacheco Little, 25, who said Mueller punched her in the back on the dance floor. Mueller countered that "some girl" (she didn't name Pacheco Little) had elbowed her in the same space. She then threatened to call town prosecutor Arnold Mordkin, who she presumably got to know during her former hubby's legal wranglings.

This warning didn't dissuade officers on the scene from checking out surveillance video. But by the time they concluded that Mueller had made a punching motion in Pacheco Little's direction, she'd already left. Instead of heading home, though, Mueller and a pal had gone to another nightspot, the Escobar.

Upon being located there, Mueller was told she was under arrest for assault. Her response? She began screaming, the document maintains. "Get your fucking arms off me! Who do you think you are?" she reportedly declared amid a fit that allegedly included jabbing one of the cops in the chest with her finger.

Marijuana Deals Near You

This behavior led to handcuffing and the equivalent of a perp walk down a nearby street. And as Mueller perambulated, she's said to have tugged her wallet from her pocket and tossed it in the direction of a buddy who was trailing behind.

The man stood with his foot over the wallet in a way that made the cops even more curious what was inside. They soon found a plastic bag filled with cocaine -- a discovery that positively frosted Mueller. The report quotes her as saying, "If you fucking do this to me.... I need a lawyer now!"

Later, Mueller was told she'd been booked on possession of more than four grams of coke. She allegedly disputed this allegation with eminent logic, claiming she'd purchased an eight-ball that contained just 3.5 grams. So there! She added that she'd made the buy to impress her friends and hadn't actually indulged.

In the end, prosecutors decided not to dispute Mueller's cocaine expertise, reducing the charge against her to possession of fewer than four grams as part of a plea bargain agreement that also nixed accusations of cocaine distribution and assault. She wound up with a deferred sentence that will be expunged from her record if she stays out of trouble for the next year.

Good luck with that. Here's a larger looks at Mueller's mug shot.

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More from our Colorado Crimes archive: "Charlie Sheen sentenced to Malibu?: Photo tour of spectacular 'jail' where he'll serve Aspen time."

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