Schmuck of the Week

Bruce Benson: CU party-school pooper is our latest Shmuck of the Week

Each Friday, we anoint a deserving person as our Shmuck of the Week. Here's our latest winner...

Any kid with two brain cells to rub together knows that you don't start making excuses for doing something wrong until you get caught.

But that's apparently one lesson CU president Bruce Benson never learned.

Every year around this time, the Princeton Review comes out with a list of top party schools. And every year, CU does very, very well -- which, from the perspective of the university, is very, very bad. Although CU's 2009 finish -- fifth on the "reefer madness" list, eleventh for overall partying -- might sound great to certain prospective students, it likely wouldn't impress their parents, who have to pay for their younglings to attend.

You can bet the 2010 finish will be even more embarrassing for administrators. Not that we should know yet, since the rankings won't be made public until Monday. But Benson has given us a heads-up by blasting the Princeton Review's methodology in advance, via a letter sent to, among others, the Boulder Daily Camera.

According to BB, the Review's process is "extremely unscientific," in part because it may be based on the opinions of fewer than a hundred CU students per year -- an estimate, since the Princeton crew won't share details with the university.

"This blatant lack of transparency, combined with questionable research methods, causes us to question the veracity of the survey," Benson wrote. "Frankly, we would not allow our faculty researchers or our students to be so secretive in their research methods."

Yeah, and you would've aced that test if the teacher had only asked you questions you already knew!

Sorry, Bruce, but CU is one of the country's top party schools, and everyone knows it. That orgasm of cannabis consumption in Boulder every 4/20 isn't exactly a secret. Now, you may not be proud of that, but by bitching about how unfair the school's slotting is before we even know the actual number, you seem like you're protesting too much, not to mention giving the CU faithful several extra days to anticipate a list they probably had forgotten was even coming.

What's next? A letter explaining that CU's football team sucks because the rules favor Oklahoma and Texas?

Go back to school, Mr. Benson. And when you get there, sit in a corner with a dunce cap reading "Shmuck of the Week."

For more Shmucks, check out our Shmuck of the Week archive.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts