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Byers Junior High goes from failed school to the dogs: Kenny Be's Fotochop Friday

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In spite of the best efforts of neighborhood activists, the Denver Public School Board has unveiled plans, shown in the photo above, to sell the abandoned Byers Junior High School building to a successful Detroit-based developer of high-end dog malls... As seen in the picture above, plans for the new project include renovating the old cafeteria into a dog food court. When asked to explain why the district is selling off school buildings, Superintendent Tom Boasberg replied, "Feedback from neighborhood residents suggests that kids hate schools and taxpayers hate paying for then. Our studies show that Denverites prefer the uncomplaining company of dogs and that dog retail is the fastest-growing sector of the economy." As shown below, other improvements include an indoor pool and non-stop fetch-fitness machines. The auditorium of Byers Junior High School will be filled to the height of six feet with multi-colored plastics balls to become the Denver areas first-ever Ballitorium. In addition to the heated ball pool pictured above, the Ballitorium will also feature non-stop ball-throwing machines and tug trainers. Featured below, lazy dogs will enjoy the amusements of the indoor dog park. The dogs above are riding the Odor-Rotor, a spinning mini-trip of living smell. The new Byers Dog Mall will also contain dog clothing stores, dog spas and a boutique dog hotel. The business model caters to the new economic reality that our pets are our greatest asset.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.