Even those of us who buy and use recycled items tend to draw the line at sex toys -- because we may not know where they've been, but we can guess. Does that make Charles Bush an environmentalist? Not to the Greeley Police Department, which arrested him on the shmucky suspicion of swiping marital aids from a neighbor.
Sergeant Susan West, spokeswoman for the Greeley Police Department, provides the following account via e-mail.
About 5:44 p.m. on August 29, she writes, an officer received a call from the 3100 block of 19th Avenue, where a woman told him she suspected Bush, her neighbor, of burglarizing her home and collecting a very specific haul -- lotions, what are delicately described as "personal care items" and "a large selection of sex toys."
The woman didn't leap to this conclusion willy-nilly. She told cops Bush's wife and the couple's adult daughter returned the lotions and personal care items, which they'd found on his bed. However, the sex toys were still missing.
An officer responded to the scene shortly thereafter and contacted the woman, who had several pictures of the sex toys in question -- not while they were being used, we assume. On top of that, she also noted that she'd found a pair of binoculars on her bed that didn't belong to her
Apparently, she didn't see this as a fair trade.
It didn't take long for the officer to spot a forced-entry point -- a basement window. He then asked for and received permission from Bush and his wife to search their home, and by West's account, it didn't take long for him to spot one of the missing sex toys in a backpack in Bush's bedroom. Moreover, his daughter was able to identify the binoculars as a pair she'd seen in the family garage.
That was more than enough to convince cops to cuff Bush on suspicion of second-degree burglary and misdemeanor theft -- a drill that should be familiar to him by this point. He reportedly boasts a record that includes previous busts for burglary, harassment and more.
Bush is currently in Weld County Jail, with his Shmuck of the Week honor to keep him company. But a number of the sex toys remain at large. Be on the look-out!
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Here's a look at Bush's mug shot: