How to Spend That $400 TABOR Refund This Summer

Those federal stimulus checks might be a thing of the past, but Colorado taxpayers are now slated to get a $400 dividend from the state this summer. "People are paying more for everyday items like gas, groceries, and rent through no fault of their own," Governor Jared Polis pronounced on April 25. "Instead of the government sitting on money that Coloradans earned, we want to give everyone cash back as quickly and easily as possible to provide immediate relief and empower people to do what they want to with their money."

The checks are scheduled to hit the mailboxes of eligible Colorado income-tax filers — full-time residents who have filed their 2021 tax returns by May 31, 2022, which could be as many as 3.1 million people — in August or September. The timing makes some people suspicious, since TABOR refunds were originally scheduled for delivery in November — after the election in which Democrats could be facing some tough battles in this state. But in the current economic climate, is $400 really enough to buy your vote?

Here are ten things it could get you instead:
Eight Days of August Rent
The average cost of a one-bedroom apartment in Denver is hovering right around a cool $1,500 per month, which averages out to about fifty bucks a day. Sounds like a lot until you consider your alternatives: You can't get even a shitty motel room in Denver for that anymore. Even those roadside survivors on Colfax Avenue are charging $75 to $85 a night. So enjoy those eight free days of Denver apartment living — they're a relative bargain. And hey, no bedbugs!

One Decent Broncos Ticket
A good seat could swallow the whole amount — or you could cheap it out and buy two in the nosebleed section and bring a friend. Either way, you’ll have the chance to see the Broncos with a new QB. By comparison, you could take someone to see the entire St. Louis Cardinals stand at Coors Field — two tickets to three games August 9-11, Section 117-ish, perfect for catching a foul ball. And you’d still have some cash left over for beer and a Rockies Dog. Or maybe parking.

The Best Tamales in Denver — 250 of Them
The Best Tamales winner in the Best of Denver 2022 was Pochitos Tortilla Factory, a Sunnyside joint that’s been putting out those masa-and-mix-ins beauties for a quarter-century. With your cool four hundos, you don’t have to wait until Christmas to enjoy way too many tamales, be they red pork, green pork, or chile and cheese. How many people does it take to eat 250 tamales? One, if you give yourself enough time.
Your Xcel Power Bill for One Month
Granted, maybe not for the month when you get the rebate. Xcel bills are higher than ever, and $400 may not be enough to cover August, assuming you’re running A/C and not just sweating it out. And if you've lived through the last few years in Denver, when didn't you need air-conditioning to get through the end of summer? Now you can lower that thermostat without worrying about your wallet. You can worry about climate change instead.
A Couple of Late-Summer Shows at Red Rocks
We should never forget what a gift it is to have Red Rocks Amphitheatre in our communal backyard. Its stunning setting and legendary acoustics draw some of the best acts performing today. In August alone, you can choose from the Chicks (formerly the Dixie Chicks), Train, the South Park 25th Anniversary Concert, Bonnie Raitt, Reggae on the Rocks, the Steve Miller Band and our own Nathaniel Rateliff, to name just a portion of the lineup. And if you want to wait until September, you can see Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, Nine-Inch Nails, Brandi Carlile or Jackson Browne. Sure, to get out to a couple of shows with your partner, you’ll be sitting in general admission, closer to the titular rocks. But as the Red Rocks slogan says: It’s the best place to see the stars.
One Low-End Recliner From American Furniture Warehouse
Remember after 9/11, when President George W. Bush said that one of the things we could do to fight terrorism was to go shopping? He was talking about not letting fear affect our normal lives, of course, but Americans may have learned that lesson too well. If you want to support American commerce and free enterprise — and also have a recliner with a cup-holder armrest — Jake Jabs and company still have your bargain-loving back.
A Hundred Gallons of Gas
That is, if prices don’t go up by August. It sounds like a lot, 100 gallons, but if you’re getting the 2021 national average of 25 mpg for your whip (a record high, by the way), that’s still only 2,500 miles. Which is pretty much the drive from Denver to San Francisco and back. You could also make the trip east, but you'd end up having to turn around somewhere near Columbus, Ohio — which is okay, since leaving Columbus is what most people do out there anyway.
An Uber All the Way Across the Metro Area at 7 p.m.
Surge pricing? No offense, but please suck it. Oh, we’re certain it makes some sort of sense mathematically. But spending the kind of money that our grandparents spent on a whole car just to get across town at peak hours sort of makes us feel like uber-dumbasses.

Dinner for Two in RiNo
Four bills don't go far for fine dining these days, but they'll cover you taking a date for a prix fixe experience at Beckon. Or you and a few friends could head over to Il Posto or Los Chingones and order enough apps and drinks to live it up that night and then have plenty to live down the following day.
The Satisfaction of Doing Good in the World
If there’s one thing the pandemic should have taught us, it’s that no one is safe from the effects of plain bad luck. If you’ve been lucky enough to keep a job over the last couple of years — if your biggest issue has been a little isolation and nothing new on Netflix — consider supporting some of your favorite causes. If you’re a proponent of reproductive rights (and given the Supreme Court schedule, abortion may be in a very different situation by summer's end), send a check to Planned Parenthood. If you’re a fan of local Black-owned businesses, consider helping Welton Street Cafe open back up. If you have a friend who’s barely making it because they got laid off? Venmo them something. Generosity is contagious, too.

Share the wealth.