Audio By Carbonatix
Note: This story cartoon will appear in this week’s issue of Westword.
Politicians and tarot decks are amazingly similar. Both were created for trick-taking games, and both are largely used by the foolhardy to foretell the future. The personalities of Colorado’s most widely known politicians correspond remarkably well to the characters and symbols of the 22 major trump cards of a tarot deck. And, much like the Major Arcana, each of Colorado’s major politicians has two interpretations. It all depends on which voter is dealing the cards …
0.
(left) Perpetual Republican Grand Old Party Boy
Muhammad Ali Hasan, the Fool
Card Interpretation
Upright: Passionate, Hasty, Brash, Extravagant, Unlimited Possibilities.
Reversed: Unable to complete projects, Easily bored, Overbearing.
I.
(right) Democratic Candidate for Colorado Governor
John Hickenlooper, the Magician
Card Interpretation
Upright: Charismatic, Creative, Willing to help those willing to work.
Reversed: Insincere, Insecure, Nonsensical glad-handing con artist.
II.
(left) Colorado Democratic Party Chairwoman
Pat Waak, the High Priestess
Card Interpretation
Upright: Secret Knowledge, Intuitive, Absolute control.
Reversed: Wrong instincts, Vindictive, Trifling, Gets off on being withholding.
III.
(right)
Democratic Candidate for State Treasurer
Cary Kennedy, the Empress
Card Interpretation
Upright: Nurturing, Educational, Creativity in financial affairs.
Reversed: Emotionally needy, Craves the spotlight, Expertly lazy.
IV.
(left) Republican Candidate for U.S. Congress, 6th District
Mike Coffman, the Emperor
Card Interpretation
Upright: Authority, Stability, Confidence, Militaristic, Action-oriented.
Reversed: Petulant, Cruel, Snob, Obsessive-compulsive patriotism disorder.
V.
(right) Republican Candidate for Colorado Governor
Dan Maes, the Hierophant
Card Interpretation
Upright: Problem-solver, Benevolent dictator, Historically significant.
Reversed: Unorthodox, Vulnerability, Impotent, Tyrannical mis-manager.
VI.
(left) Republican Log Roller Wendy Evans and Colorado GOP Chairman Dick Wadhams
Card Interpretation
Upright: Right Choice, Eager communication, Party unification.
Reversed: Wrong choice, Untrustworthy, Fickle, Frustration, Heartache.
VII.
(right) Democratic Representative for State District #7 and Speaker of the House
Terrance Carroll, the Chariot
Card Interpretation
Upright: Determination, Overcoming adversity, Moving forward.
Reversed: Inability to control donkeys, Spinning wheels, Whiplash.
VIII.
(left) Democratic Thunderbolt and next Denver Mayor
Elbra Wedgeworth, the Strength
Card Interpretation
Upright: Strength, Energy, Wilpower, Lion tamer, Conviction.
Reversed: Unwarranted anger, Control lost to impulses and desires.
IX.
(right) Democratic Challenger U.S. Senate Candidate
Andrew Romanoff, the Hermit
Card Interpretation
Upright: Enlightenment, Patience, Selfless service, Industrious, Virginal.
Reversed: Secretive, Foolish pride, Creator of tension, Won’t give up.
X.
(left) Incumbent Democratic U.S. Senate Candidate
Michael Bennet, the Wheel of Fortune
Card Interpretation
Upright: Accepting of all kinds of change, Easy ride, Faith in millionaires.
Reversed: Over-inflated ego, Depression, Things go from bad to worse.
XI.
(right) Democratic Candidate for U.S. Congress, 2nd. District
Jared Polis, the Justice
Card Interpretation
Upright: Wisdom to do what is right, Fair-minded, Skilled with beer bongs.
Reversed: Unbalanced, Overly sentimental, Cold and calculating.
XII.
(left) Sacrificial Republican Gubernatorial Candidate
Josh Penry, the Hanged Man
Card Interpretation
Upright: Fresh perspective, Self-sacrifice to bring about real change and effective change.
Reversed: Limited perspective, False prophet, A part of the problem.
XIII.
(right) Democratic Candidate for U.S. Congress, 4th District
Betsy Markey, Death
Card Interpretation
Upright: Victory over an incumbent, Abrupt and complete change of mind.
Reversed: Defeated as an incumbent, Unable to humble and exult the electorate as desired.
XIV.
(left) Democratic Candidate for U.S. Congress, 1st District
Diana DeGette, Temperance
Card Interpretation
Upright: Merges impossible opposites, Influential in stem-cell awareness.
Reversed: Single-issue obsession, Erratic, Stubborn, Clueless to consequences.
XV.
(right) Republican Candidate for U.S. Congress, 4th District
Cory Gardner, the Devil
Card Interpretation
Upright: Aggressive, Controlling, Promotes personal ambition.
Reversed: Ill-tempered, Bad habits, Panders to shallow people, Deep psychosis.
XVI.
(left) Republican Candidate for Colorado Governor
Scott McInnis, the Tower
Card Interpretation
Upright: Sudden change, Abandonment of the past, Painful revelation.
Reversed: Succumbs to self-delusion, Misguided, Big liar, Bankruptcy.
XVII.
(right) Republican Candidate for U.S. Congress, 7th District
Ryan Frazier, the Star
Card Interpretation
Upright: Limitless possibilities, A spark of hope in a bleak time.
Reversed: Wishy-washy, Overly rational without ideals, Lacks proper motivation.
XVIII.
(left) Republican Candidate for U.S. Senate
Jane Norton, the Moon
Card Interpretation
Upright: Manic genius, Daydreamer, Attractive to howling dogs and crabs.
Reversed: Perpetuates fear and falsehood, Anti-social, Manipulative, Potty mouth.
XIX.
(right) Democratic Candidate for State Attorney General
Stan Garnett, the Sun
Card Interpretation
Upright: Clarity in thinking, Brilliance in reason, Determined in actions.
Reversed: Half-baked ideas, Diminished hope, Refusal to see the light.
XX.
(left) Republican Candidate for U.S. Senate
Ken Buck, the Rejuvenation
Card Interpretation
Upright: Awakening, Renewal of opportunities that require real sacrifice.
Reversed: Obstinacy, Fear of change, Solutions create worse problems.
XXI.
(right) The Honorable Colorado Governor
Bill Ritter, the World
Card Interpretation
Upright: Success, Respect, Perfection, Satisfaction, Happiness.
Reversed: Anxiety, Agoraphobia, Scandal, Divorce, Poverty.
