Dan Maes: Five more terrifying ways Denver is turning into the United Nations

There's been lotsa entertainment value in Colorado's primary races, from Tom Tancredo's guv run to Scott McInnis's plagiarism problems -- and now, Dan Maes's declaration that Denver's B-Cycle program might turn the city into "the United Nations" via wrongheaded environmental do-goodism. What other seemingly harmless things might cause us to become globalism-loving, freedom-challenged automatons? Here's our top five:

5. Local Starbucks branches continue to sell coffee from all over the world. What's wrong with sticking to blends from Dubuque, Iowa?

4. Area radio stations play too many songs by Britain's Got Talent performer Susan Boyle, squeezing out airplay for homegrown American Idol stars like Clay Aiken and the "Pants on the Ground" guy.

3. The name of Denver's World Trade Center hurtfully implies that Colorado isn't enough for us all by itself.

2. Metro Best Buy outlets still selling TV remotes with SAP buttons, nefariously promoting languages other than 'Merican.

1. Street-side recycling programs send a message that we should be conserving resources, which is bad for reasons we'll think of after running over a B-Cycle in our Hummer.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts