Ask a Stoner

Dear Stoner: Are there studies on using MMJ for PMS?

Dear Stoner: Have there been any studies conducted on the benefits of using cannabis to help treat PMS?
I'm Mean Once a Month

Dear Mean: I hear you (sassy finger snaps). No, seriously, I know that PMS isn't all about being a stereotypical raging bitch to the random barista who happens to fuck up your caffe latte with a quarter-teaspoon too much milk. It's a serious condition for many, many women that can cause the type of cramping, anxiety and pain that would qualify pretty much anyone for a medical cannabis card. And for those reasons (and as you probably already know), medical marijuana can most certainly help treat the symptoms of PMS.

But actual studies are hard to come by. Searching medical databases and the National Institutes of Health archives doesn't bring up much, and the few studies on the topic were conducted in the 1980s, at the height of the War on Drugs; to say they're slanted against cannabis use is an understatement. There's plenty of anecdotal evidence to support it, though, and has been for well over a hundred years. Queen Victoria was prescribed it by the royal physician for PMS as well as morning sickness. And we've dug up ads from old Colorado papers for ointments and tinctures containing cannabis that were used for all sorts of "women's issues." Granted, those tonics occasionally had other, heavier drugs in them, but that doesn't take away from marijuana's benefits.

Dear Stoner: I thought it would be a swell idea to try to get a job in the cannabis industry and recently applied for my "pot badge." I received an e-mail saying that they had turned up an old arrest for pot possession way back in 1978 that never went to court and was tossed due to lack of evidence. I don't have any paperwork from 36 years ago, and I can't get my "pot badge" and move forward until this gets resolved. Any suggestions?

Dear Robb: If your possession charge is still coming up on a background search 36 years later, then the paperwork showing that the charges were dropped should also be on record. Clear the cobwebs and pot resin from the old noggin and try to remember what city or county you were arrested in, then do some digging. Save every e-mail and response you get — even if it's just the court saying it no longer has any records — and present those to the Marijuana Enforcement Division. There's likely a solution here — that, or a really old warrant. Just kidding...sort of. We would like to think that the statute of limitations for a hippie pot bust has long since expired.

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William Breathes
Contact: William Breathes