Brown Alert: Denver Dog Poop Has Reached Critical Level

Is Denver going to the dogs? This city has more pet pooches than it does kids, and that raises a number of issues, as we're exploring in a week-long series. Here's the next installment:

Wearing white shoes in Denver is a dangerous game, full of brown, squishy land mines.

Cole Haans, Nikes, Vans, flip flops and my bareass feet have all felt the ick of smushing dog poop beneath them, and you don't have to venture into the grass to experience this.

Denver is a city of turds, physically and metaphorically. With an estimated 158,000-plus dogs in the city, that's anywhere from 28.8 to 43.3 million pounds of dog poop in Denver per year, depending on the size of the dump. And a buttload of it is displayed on our public sidewalks, in planters and parks, and, sometimes, right in front of your door.

It's not a dog's fault when a human doesn't pick up after it — we all gotta go at some point — but why does Denver seem to have such a big fecal problem? Although it's not the clearest issue to track, there are several bits of evidence supporting our gripe, some of which were recently unearthed on a recent City Cast Denver episode. Producer Olivia Love told listeners that their call-out for dog poop stories was "perhaps the most you've every responded to anything in the history of this show," and the feedback displayed a long list of theories ranging from post-COVID societal erosion to poor park planning.

According to data from Denver's 311 city services line, there have never been more than 555 complaints recorded over dog poop in a single year, with just under 370 logged last year. But open your third eye (or get a dog), and you'll start noticing a lot more number twos while walking around Denver, especially in dense neighborhoods like Capitol Hill, the Golden Triangle and Five Points, which includes the RiNo Art District.

I didn't open my turd eye until getting a dog — and, full disclosure, this little low-IQ hobgoblin wants to nibble on every piece of shit she comes across. This is totally a "me" problem that I'm still trying to train out of my foul-mouthed angel, but it's taught me a few things about dog poop, and Denver:

1) Dried white dog poop is no longer a thing (believe me, it was twenty years ago).
2) March, when most of the snow melts, is the leading month in average dog poop complaints, according to 311 data.
3) Outsiders notice it, too.

City Cast co-founder and CEO David Plotz told Denver podcast executive producer Paul Karolyi that walking the streets of RiNo in March reminded him of visits to Paris, but not in a good way.

"It's dangerous walking through the streets, at least in that part of Denver, because there's an immense amount of dog shit around. Immense," he said. "Why can Denver not manage this basic function?"

There are a handful of poop pickup services in Denver, including Doody Calls, Pet Scoop and Poop 911, and one service, PooPrints, a Tennessee-based company, that partners with multi-family housing buildings across the country, forcing residents to register their dog's DNA into a library. If poop found on the property matches a dog in the library, then the owner could be fined or reprimanded.

Or, how about we just do what we all promised our parents, and pick up after our dogs?

Denver parks have waste bins and bag dispensers for dog poop, and the city can fine you $150 for failing to do their dog duty (and $250 for the second time, and $500 after that). There are also signs across Denver parks reminding visitors to pick up after their pets. But outside of a 2021 blog post from Denver Parks & Recreation and the city Department of Public Health & Environment, public education has been minimal.

Perhaps that's because the city doesn't think Denver has much of a dog poop problem — at least, not more than any other place.

"I would not say Denver is any worse than any other area of the United States for pet waste and issues picking up. Most people are great about it, and there are some problem parks, neighborhoods, residences," says Denver Animal Protection lieutenant Josh Rolfe, who believes that "most people do it, particularly if it is convenient to do so."

But is it convenient enough? One City Cast listener mentioned that some parks have bag dispensers and waste bins located at opposite ends from each other, and another mentioned Colorado's ban on plastic bans as reasons why more people may be letting their dogs spraypaint the sidewalk. One caller said that when he called out a man for not picking up after his dog, the guy became verbally aggressive and refused to do so.

According to Denver Parks & Recreation, rangers have discretion to cite individuals for not having their dogs leashed or failing to clean up after them. However, rangers "are responsible for the parks and simply clean up when there’s poop," a department spokesperson says, and often "lead with education."

"Usually, the first interaction is to explain these rules," the spokesperson adds.
As I walk home with more skidmarks on my soles.
If you see a non-poop-picker-upper, call them out. Shame them. Let the heavens know: this disgusting form of rebellion will no longer be tolerated.

Or just give them a bag and stand there with your arms folded until they do something. That always works for my mom.

Read other stories in the series:

"Has Denver Gone to the Dogs?"

"Denver Dog Owners Are Sending Their Pets to the Pound in Record Numbers"

"Pup Talk: Meet Gina Betters and Charley, Creators of the Denver Dog Guide"