Our Schmuck of the Week team recently offered a tip of the hat to the Denver Police Department for Facebooking the story of Andrew Blackman, whose escape from the cops went sour when he ran straight to a police station. And it's hardly the only tale of its type to turn up on the DPD Facebook page lately. These days, the department's social media squad is regularly sharing wacky reports on a theme that can be shorthanded like so: A lot of criminals are idiots.
Below, check out ten recent examples, featuring photos and DPD text about pot-crazed dumpster divers, an armed robber foiled by slow safe-opening service at a fast-food restaurant and more. They're reminders that breaking the law doesn't require an IQ test....
THEY DON'T CALL IT A *DRIVE* THRU FOR NOTHIN' Wednesday, December 17, 2014, Denver Police District 1 officers responded to a fast food restaurant in the 1800 block of Federal Boulevard, after receiving a report of an irate customer. The customer was upset that he could not walk up to the drive-thru window and order food. In his anger, the customer broke the drive-thru window, and left. Witnesses said they saw the now suspect go into a nearby business. Officer May, Officer Lane, and Officer Lopez located the suspect who was positively identified by witnesses, and 55 year-old Michael Armstrong was taken into custody. I JUST WANTED TO CHECK MY E-MAIL... Sunday, December 28, 2014, a victim walked into the District 6 station to report that an unknown suspect had stolen her jacket and laptop from the library. The victim had an application installed on the computer, which allowed officers to locate it. With the app, they found that the laptop was being used at a coffee shop in the 1500 Larimer Street. Officers responded to the area, and arrested the suspect, 33 year-old John Deslise, for theft. Continue for more Denver Police Department stupid-criminal stories. SUSPECT CAR THIEF CAME PREPARED Early Saturday, December 20, 2014, Denver Police District 5 officers saw a vehicle driving southbound in the northbound lanes in the 5500 block of Peoria Street. Officers conducted a traffic stop in the 5400 block of Quari Street, and contacted the parties in the vehicle. Dispatch notified them that the vehicle was reported stolen. The driver provided officers with a handwritten bill of sale for the vehicle, but the original owner's name was misspelled. The driver, identified as 35 year-old Randall Leverton was arrested for forgery, aggravated motor vehicle theft, and an active warrant. FAKE GUN LEADS TO DRUGS Sunday, January 4, 2015, Denver Police District 4 Officer Traudt conducted a routine traffic stop in the 2900 block of W. Archer Place. As the officer was contacting the driver, he saw a silver handgun on the floorboard of the passenger side of the vehicle. Officer Traudt removed the now suspect from the vehicle, and found him in possession of a pipe often used to smoke methamphetamine. The officer also recovered 14 balloons of suspected heroin. The suspect, 22 year-old Miguel Angel-Sanchez was arrested for possession of a controlled substance and the handgun was found to be a plastic replica of a real handgun. Continue for more Denver Police Department stupid-criminal stories. DUMPSTER DIVING FOR MARIJUANA Early last Friday, January 2, 2015, Denver Police District 1 officers responded to the 800 block of N. Navajo Street, after three suspect tried gaining access to a locked dumpster outside of a marijuana dispensary. The suspects, 19 year-old Granillo Fernando and two juvenile males, fled from the scene on foot but were eventually contacted. The suspects attempted to get in the dumpster after finding marijuana in it in the past. All were ordered into District 1 for criminal mischief. SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO THE DENTIST Saturday, January 3, 2015, Denver Police Department District Three, Southeast Denver officers responded to the 100 block of N. Rampart way on reports of a burglary in progress at a dental office. The witness reported seeing a broken glass door, with the legs and feet of the suspect inside the building. When officers arrived on scene, they found the suspect had unlawfully entered the building and was passed out on the floor of the building's common area. Continue for more Denver Police Department stupid-criminal stories. HALO FOILS TAGGER'S PLANS Late Tuesday, January 6, 2015, HALO saw a party spray painting several businesses along E. Colfax Avenue, including a convenience store, and a fast food restaurant. Denver Police - District 6 officers converged into the area, and found the party seen in the surveillance footage. The suspect, 22 year-old Mark Gutierrez was contacted and taken into custody without incident. Gutierrez was found in possession of several paint cans. MARIJUANA DISPENSARY BURGLARS BAGGED BY D2 Late Monday, January 5, 2015, Denver Police District 2 officers responded to a marijuana dispensary in the 2600 block of Walnut Street after an alarm went off. The suspects loaded various items from inside the business into a stolen vehicle that was parked outside. The suspects took two register drawers, edibles, and marijuana. It appeared that the suspects entered the business through a rear door, and forced several doors inside the building open. When officers arrived on scene, they found the suspects and took them into custody without incident. Both suspects were juvenile males. One of the suspects, who was found to be wanted on two outstanding warrants, was visibly intoxicated and had to be transported to the hospital due to his level of intoxication. The other suspect was transported to District 2 to be interviewed. Continue for more Denver Police Department stupid-criminal stories. AND THE POLITE PERP OF THE WEEK AWARD GOES TO.... On Wednesday, January 7, 2015, an unknown suspect entered a fast food restaurant in the 1900 block of S. Sheridan Street, and placed a food order. As the victim was making the order, the suspect walked behind the food line, and produced a steak knife. The suspect then demanded everything in the register and the safe. The victim explained to the suspect that it takes about ten minutes to get into the safe. The suspect asked if it would be worth it, and the victim said, "No." The suspect then expressed his appreciation for the victim's cooperation, and only left with what was in the register.
We'd like to give this suspect his "award" in person! If you have seen this Hispanic male, approximately 5'4', with a slim build and a goatee, who drives a blue four-door vehicle, please give us a call.
PROWLER DIDN'T SEE THE POLICE, KICKS-IN DOOR Just after midnight on Wednesday, January 7, 2014, Denver Police District 2 officers responded to the 3600 block of Gilpin Street on a report of suspicious prowlers in the area. The first check was clear, with officers not finding the described prowlers. An hour later, officers responded to a second call of the same nature. The witness explained that one of the suspects was walking southbound, and the other remained on the porch. When officers arrived on scene, they immediately contacted the suspect who was walking southbound, and he was detained. As officers were speaking with the victim inside their residence, the second suspect failed to realize that officers were on scene and began kicking in the back-door. When the suspect did realize the police presence, he ran from the area. Officer gave short chase, but lost sight of the suspect. They then set up a perimeter, and Metro SWAT, and K9 unit were called in to assist. The combined effort found the second suspect running down the 3700 block alley of High Street and Race Street. Both suspects were taken into custody and arrested for burglary. Additionally, as officers were responding to this scene, they recovered a car behind the victim's residence. A check on the vehicle found that is was stolen from a rental company at DIA last year.
Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.