Schmuck of the Week

Douchebag Michael Torres's Weapon of Choice: Bloody Snowballs

Throwing snowballs isn't usually a criminal offense — but Michael Torres found a way to turn it into one.

Torres, 46, was busted in Aspen on suspicion of harassment, domestic violence and violating a protection order for repeatedly hurling the projectiles at his girlfriend's window early yesterday morning.

And to add that special touch of creepiness that distinguishes Schmuck of the Week honorees like him, the icy mounds were soaked with blood — presumably his, though there are no DNA test results yet to prove it.

The story comes to us courtesy of the Aspen Times, which notes that Torres has engaged in similarly wrong-headed behavior in the past. Around 2 a.m. last December 23, he was busted after Snowmass Village cops said he climbed onto the second-floor balcony of an apartment to peep through the window at his ex-wife and their three kids — an incident that led to a July guilty plea and a year's worth of unsupervised probation.

Pitkin County Sheriff's Office reps say Torres took another disturbing early-morning excursion yesterday. About 1 a.m., his girlfriend called authorities to say he was throwing snowballs at her window — around forty of them, she estimated. Torres was gone by the time Deputy Ryan Turner arrived, but he found footprints in the backyard area, and while following them, he wrote in an affidavit quoted by the Times, "I observed what appeared to be fresh blood in the snow."

The footprints led to Torres's car — and he was hiding underneath it. He insisted that he'd been sleeping, but he reeked of alcohol, which he was forbidden to consume under the conditions of his probation.

Meanwhile, the woman discovered what she described as "bloody snow caked in the window screens," and Deputy Turner spotted a small table under the roof near another patch of fresh blood that may have been Torres's staging area.

Hours after he was taken into custody, Torres was released on a $1,000 bond that called for him to be monitored for sobriety. Keeping him away from snow in Aspen will be harder to do.
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