Drama Mama

Episode 24 opens with Davis' oh-so-valuable opinion that Jenn is ridiculous; she's hooked up with everyone besides him. Meaning Darnell, Alex and Jon. I probably don't need to point out the hypocrisy in this statement, but just in case -- let's see, Davis has a boyfriend (PJ) yet somehow manages to find the time to canoodle with Brooke, topless, in his bed. And we all know he's the reason Lance Bass had to break it off with his Amazing Race lover, Reichen Lehmkuhl.

Anyway, then MTV replays Jenn's breakup conversation with her at-home honey, Jared. All of a sudden, Jared decides to call Jenn, which she totally didn't expect. He's coming to visit Denver, and although they miss each other, they're both kind of confused -- not to mention nervous -- about what's going to happen.

Meanwhile, Brooke hasn't met anyone yet in Denver who she thinks is cute. Come on, woman! This is Menver we're talking about! At least, that's what everyone who moves here from out-of-state calls it. Or so I've been told. "I'm interested in a man," Brooke stresses. "I would like to find a man, not a boy." Her criteria for a man: Someone who has ambition, is not addicted to drugs and knows how to treat a woman.

Allow me to translate for those of you who don't speak Brookese: "I want someone who will pay for everything and buy me stuff."

She and the girls go out to dinner and Brooke sees the hottest guy in Denver. Well, according to her. She starts jumping up and down, freaking out, and muses, "I think I might actually give that guy my number. Ooh, he looked at me briefly!" As they leave the restaurant, she passes the Handsome Stranger her number, then starts squealing like a pig as soon as they leave the restaurant.

Jenn is worried about what's going to happen when Jared meets Alex. "Jared has this idea that Alex likes me," she says. And she warns Alex of the danger: "I feel like he's this big bomb that can go off at any time." Because THAT'S going to make Alex feel really comfortable around Jared. Well done, Jenn. She acknowledges that her relationship with Alex was hurtful, but insists it was not emotional.

Jared and his friend Alan -- who lives in Denver -- show up at the door. Alex hears them coming upstairs and starts feeling anxious. In the meantime, Jenn is considering that it's time for her to be in a relationship, and she thinks Jared is the person to pursue.

And what's Davis doing while all this is going on? Why, causing mad drama, naturally! When Jared accosts him near the men's room of yet another interchangeable LoDo hotspot, Davis starts answering all Jared's questions. And then some. "She was afraid you were going to, like, try to fight him," Davis tells Jared when Jared asks about Alex (are you following this?). "She's had sex with Alex twice. She talks so much about you but she can't be faithful, she even says it, you know what I mean?"

Wow, Davis is such an expert on girls. Especially for someone who isn't one and doesn't sleep with them.

Then Davis and Alex start talking; Davis volunteers the information that he thinks Jared is good-looking. "Jenn told him about you," he informs Alex, "and didn't even mention Darnell at all or Jon. She's not the most trustworthy girl, she said it herself."

If I happen to ever meet Davis, and if I strike up a conversation with him, remind me not to say anything at all to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable repeating to the entire nation.

And in Brooke's world, she may have finally found a man. Kyle calls her, telling her he thought her approach was a little strange, but ... (we can fill in the rest of that for him: but, so are you, Brooke). They make plans to meet that night, and Brooke acts like she's ready to tear her panties off and have at it right then and there. She gives him a big hug, drapes herself all over him, punches him playfully and generally acts like a drunken hussy. "Finally," she gushes, "I found someone in Denver who's fun and exciting and my type."

Walking home from the club, Jared and Jenn get into a confrontation, wherein Jared reveals to Jenn what Davis has told him. When Jenn gets back to the house, she tells Tyrie what happened. "This is somebody sharing my life with somebody who I care about," she sobs. Tyrie is sympathetic, but -- having been on the receiving end of Jenn's temper more than once -- tries to calm her down. "Jenn is like Hiroshima right now," he says.

Kyle calls Brooke again. She's excited, thinks he's a great prospect and a good catch, until he says the unthinkable: He asks Brooke if she wants to go bowling.

"I kind of wanted to go to a bar, to tell you the truth," she says, hemming and hawing. Why? Because she can't interact properly with men unless she's drunk? (Don't answer that; I don't really want to know.)

It only makes sense that this incredible slight on her personality would reduce Brooke to tears. She tells Stephen what happened and Stephen has a little trouble understanding what the problem is. "What's so bad about that?" he asks Brooke.

"Never mind. You don't understand," she weeps in return.

"Bowling is not a bad thing," he explains as if to a child. "It's not a bad choice."

"You don't get it, you're not a female."

Hmm. I'd better get my chromosomes checked -- my boyfriend and I go bowling on occasion. We don't belong to a league or anything, but we've been known to chuck some balls at some pins for fun. AND there's usually a bar at the bowling alley. Once again, Brooke is being a big baby about nothing.

"Do I look like the type of girl that wants to go bowling tonight?" Brooke demands. No, you look like a fucking spoiled brat. Stephen tells her that her tears are unbecoming and she manages to calm down, informing everyone that she has "so much snot." Classy.

Davis' friend Alison comes to town, and he ends up telling her all about the altercation with Jenn. The two of them run into Tyrie on the 16th Street Mall, and Tyrie asks Davis if the explosion has happened yet. Davis says no, they part ways, but Davis is nervous. "I've seen Jenn explode at Steve, explode at Tyrie, so I know that she can just get hugely furious," Davis muses. A little late to be thinking about that now, isn't it?

Jenn decides to come (somewhat) clean with Jared. "Is there anyone else?" he asks her. Yes. "I figured." She tells Jared that she fucked around with Darnell, Stephen's friend, but there was no intercourse. Jared checks this story with Tyrie, who reveals that actually, she DID let Darnell stick his thing into her thing. Jared leaves; Jenn cries upstairs.

She then decides to call Jared and do what she should have done in the first place: Tell him everything from the very beginning. After she reveals what she's done, Jared acknowledges that he's not been the greatest listener in the world. One of his friends gave him the following advice: "You already knew it was going to happen. Stop being a little bitch and get over it."

Holy shit! There's someone, somewhat connected with The Real World, who actually understands the rules -- go on a reality television show, and you WILL hook up with someone! The friend of a cast member's sometimes boyfriend! And they quoted him on the show! I'm speechless.

Since Jared is across town, Jenn has to ask Davis to drive her to him. "It kind of bothers me that you're so mad at me," Davis whines at first, but then he acknowledges that he should have directed Jared to Jenn when he started asking questions. At Sonoda's, Jenn and Jared kiss and make up. He forgives her, everything is all good again.

Next week: Well, I missed the trailer. They've stopped showing them at the end of the show during prime time -- we just get a teaser for Road Rules instead. But it could involve young girls from New Orleans (keep Alex far, far away from them) or Thailand. I won't be watching it, though; I'll be on vacation, camping at Joshua Tree, then headed to a music festival for the weekend. But I'll be back for the May 2 episode. Try not to miss me too much ... -- Amber Taufen

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Amber Taufen has been writing about people, places and things in Denver since 2005. She works as an editor, writer, and production and process guru out of her home office in the foothills.
Contact: Amber Taufen