The Colorado Springs Confessions Facebook page is, in a word, crazy.
Granted, we can't vouch for the authenticity of each and every posted item.
But the tales definitely run the gamut, encompassing the bizarre, the disgusting, the hilarious, the random and the inexplicable, sometimes all at once.
We'd planned to highlight the ten most memorable items, but we overshot the mark.
Continue to check out the photo-illustrated top eleven.
Number 11: What a Waste
I shit on my neighbor's truck last week. I ate a bunch of prunes all day and let it go all over his hood. It was fucking epic. I laughed so hard watching him gag and try to hose it off the next morning. Why, you ask? He's always screaming at his wife and kids, and never lets his dogs come inside, and plays the most fucking obnoxious country music at stupid loud volumes at night. Not to mention his drunk tirades around the neighborhood, like yelling at the kids for riding their bikes on the sidewalk in front of his house. He's an asshole so I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I'm not sorry.
Number 10: Three's Company
Since i have seen posts about sex. Here is one. Im a happy married guy. I think my wife is hot, but she can be very bland when it comes to sex. I Think about threesomes mff and using toys and some bondage with her all the time. I've thrown clues and hints out to her, but she is like bla. I try to watch porn with 3somes so she will get a clue.
Number 9: C'mon PPL
I hate when people use short hand text. I have to Urban Dictionary a lot of this shit and wonder why people don't actually take the extra two seconds to actually write a word. You're not a thirteen year old getting their first phone in 2001. Type words out.
Number 8: Walmart Special
When I was a teen both of my parents secured part-time cashiering jobs at the Wal-Mart on North Academy. One would shop while the other was working and go to their line. The one on shift would ring up a false price for just about every item that was rung up. I once witnessed my mother purchase a brand new stereo for .32 cents for my sister's birthday. They never knew that I was aware of their scheme. During that period, I got just about everything I ever wanted from that place, I thought I was one lucky kid. My parents never got caught.
Number 7: Animal Hater
To the ass bag that hit a cat on Manitou Ave today and then drove off like nothing happened, FUCK YOU. I'm not a huge fan of cats but I cried, the poor thing was just trying to cross the road. The least you could have done was stop to make sure it was okay.
Number 5: Weed Versus Handgun
To the people who were so high off of something yesterday at Memorial Park and thought it was cute to take their friend who was seriously tripping and let him walk up to people walking the lake (including little kids) while they (his so called friends) laughed as he screamed across the lake swearing he saw "them" and wanted to swim across? You're all pieces of shit! You 3 are the reason why people conceal carry. Damn!
Number 4: Clip and Don't Save
I hate small paperclips. I prefer jumbo size. Anytime I come across a small one I throw it in the trash.
Number 3: Bad Romance
I cannot stand Lady Gaga. Not that I don't think she has talent, she does, but my ex-girlfriend loves her and she lied to me and told me she loved me as she was chasing a different man. For the first month after we broke up, I was in denial and wouldn't leave my room with Lady Gaga on repeat, hoping she would come back to me. After that, I just didn't want anything to do with her and burned all of our pictures and notes and deleted everything from my computer. Whenever I do hear Lady Gaga though, in the news or I hear her music playing somewhere, I actually have to take five minutes to myself to calm down, otherwise I might loose my shit in public.
Number 2: Pointed Response
I am a female in my early twenties and have been a proponent of going commando since high school. I don't wear underwear unless I'm on the rag, liable to flash someone on a windy day or borrowing someone else's bottoms. I recently stopped wearing a bra except with structured formalwear because I don't need the support and there are other, less uncomfortable ways to cover highbeams. I'm not a liberated woman, a tramp or a rebel — I just hate laundry and picking wedgies.
Number 1: Smells Like Love
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
I sometimes fart when I get horny.