News

Faceball, August 21

Here's a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today:

Faceball It’s the hot new sport with the unbeatable motto: “Your face, our balls.” Invented at the offices of Flickr, it’s a simple game that involves mashing a Day-Glo ball into a coworker’s face from ten feet away. Two players, one ball, infinite capacity for amusement. I never thought anything would make me miss working in IT cubicle-hell, but I was wrong.

Jeremiah Trotter The sports world is abuzz with the surprise release of Pro-Bowl linebacker Jeremiah Trotter from the Philadelphia Eagles. If he’s not nursing an undisclosed injury, some team with an untested player at middle linebacker would be smart to pick this guy up. Shanahan, are you listening?

Bad neighbors The Internet has raised the art of ridiculing and shaming people to a high-tech artform. The next step in this evolution has arrived: RottenNeighbor.com. Go to the site, plug in a zip code and see what your neighbors have to say about your habit of walking around the yard drunk and naked at 3 a.m. singing showtunes. Or make your own complaint about the collection of vintage Chevy Novas on blocks in their front yard. Purportedly this site is supposed to be a service to help you make sure you don’t move into a neighborhood full of assholes, but ten bucks says it’s primary use is globalizing the ages-old art of bitchy neighborhood gossip. Colorado entries are a little lacking at the moment, so get in there and vent your spleen.

Princeton review The annual review is out and look here, CU has made the list as a top pot-smoking school. That’s no surprise to anyone that’s ever even walked by the campus, but what is surprising is the disappointing fifteenth place finish. C’mon, bro, we can do better than that! Load that bong and let’s see if we can’t break the top ten next year.

Tippett house Who says the real-estate market is hurting? The highest-priced residence ever put on the market was just listed for $76 million dollars, and the house is currently gutted and unlivable. Don't people have better things to spend obscene wealth on? If you are considering buying this, you are a failure as a human being. Do the world a favor: shoot yourself in the face and leave all your money to charity. – Cory Casciato

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Cory Casciato is a Denver-based writer with a passion for the geeky, from old science fiction movies to brand-new video games.
Contact: Cory Casciato