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Fake Fan: Loss and Sorrow

This week, Broncos fans will be subdued and dour as the team suffered its first loss. That means if you’re trying to fake it this week, you’ve got to be properly disgruntled. Here’s this week’s guide to the right things to say to convince your coworkers, bar friends and others you were there and feel their pain.

This week: The Broncos got their asses handed to them by a Jacksonville Jaguars team that dominated them by running the ball over, through and around them to the tune of 23 points. The Broncos managed just 14 points. There are three ways a fan deals with a loss: blame, excuses and hope. Here are a few lines to cover each of those categories.

Blame: It’s no wonder we lost, the damn defense couldn’t tackle anybody. (Denver’s defense had a hard time actually stopping guys once they hit them yesterday.)

If Daniel Graham had caught that fourth-down pass, we’d have another comeback win in the books. (A risky, last-gasp comeback fell short when tight end Daniel Graham couldn’t hang on to a perfectly thrown ball.)

Excuses: John Lynch’s injury just took the wind out of the defense. They aren’t the same without him. (Safety John Lynch went out early with a groin injury. Lynch is acknowledged as a hard hitting leader of the defense)

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Hope: We’re still leading the division. (The other teams in our division – the Oakland Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs and San Diego Chargers – all have a record of 1-2, while the broncos hold a 2-1 record now.)

It’s not that bad, Indianapolis won the Super Bowl last year with a run defense that sucked even worse than ours did on Sunday. (No one thought last year’s Super Bowl winners the Indianapolis Colts could win with a porous run defense, but they did.)

Next Week: We play the Colts, one of the best teams in the league, in their stadium. God help us.

General Tip: This early in the season, the proper attitude after a loss is dejected and disgruntled, but ever-hopeful. Some generic bonus lines to capture the proper spirit: “Things will come together, you’ll see.” “It’s still early, there’s a lot of football to play.” “I have faith. Shanahan isn’t going to miss the playoffs two years in a row.” These lines will work after any loss through midseason, so keep them handy. – Cory Casciato

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