Get Your Kickball On, Denver

After a winter of hibernating, the Denver Kickball Coalition (DKBC) is rinsing up with mouthwash, wiping that crusty green shit from its eyes and slicking back its unwashed hair with a fresh coat of pomade in anticipation of its eighth season as the Front Range’s most dynamic coed kickball league. And by dynamic, I mean drunk.

But seriously, kids: It’s time to submit team proposals.

“This is your chance to sell your team idea,” says Rick Sullivan, the DKBCs shiny-new commissioner. “I want to know your concept, colors, themes, but also what makes your team stand out,” he adds. Basically: “What will your team add to the DKBC?”

Last season, new teams such as The Convicted wore orange jumpsuits and chains, and featured a team captain who was wheeled onto the field each week wearing a straitjacket and mask a la Hannibal Lecter; the Lazerblade Assassins wore neon socks, short-shorts, headbands, and sported a kung-fu ninja attitude; and Always Drunk were literally always drunk. So, don’t bother sending any half-baked ideas.

Along with the skinny on concepts and colors, proposals must include a preliminary roster with a minimum of two men and two women. Unlike years past, there is no limit to the number of people who can be listed on the initial roster, “but don’t be stupid and roster thirty people to your team,” Sullivan warns, “or no one will get to play.” Even teams that have been in the league for years must send a team proposal. There is no cost to submit.

Team proposals are due by Friday, February 29. They should be sent electronically to [email protected]. Decisions will be made and all twelve teams announced on Saturday, March 2. -- Drew Bixby

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Sean Cronin