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Grace Power is suburban superhero Lakewood Pinkwinker: Kenny Be's Hip Tip

Lakewood Pinkwinker Real name: Grace Power; Occupation: Brazilian booty bleacher; Suburb of operations; Lakewood; Hair: Removable; Eyes: Peeled

Suburban superhero skills: Upset by the widespread sadness of suburbanites suffering from hairy and discolored genitalia, Grace Power, calling herself the Lakewood Pinkwinker, first used her weaponry to lighten the darkest recesses of the city...

Lakewood Pinkwinker posses all of the conventional attributes of the licensed esthetician, as well as the superhuman ability to cheerfully cajole hirsute humans into feeling "whole" again. As a Brazilian laser hair removal specialist, she posses gills at the back of her neck, thus enabling her to breathe air from behind her head, which aids in prolonged concentration when working with her splayed and spread-eagled clientele.

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Pinkwinker also possesses the power to alter at will the color of anal skin. The precise manner in which she changes the pigment in a pucker from umber to pink is a registered trade secret, but it is available as Pink Wink Intimate Bleaching Cream. The process of changing anal color is easily taught, and during a scheduled appointment, Pinkwinker will apply the product so clients can "learn the appropriate application technique and understand the sensation."

Lakewood Pinkwinker also possesses the psionic power of manipulating the relatively primitive brains of self-conscious suburbanites. This power, which is similar to telepathy, enables her to become rich by reminding Lakewooders that their nether regions need professional landscaping as often as their lawns do.

Weapons: Pinkwinker is properly trained to employ the numerous weapons needed to make aging genitals appear more prepubescent, including the Lumenis LightSheer Diode Laser, Aesthera Photofacializer, LAM Skin-Irregularity Probe, Rejuv-u-light Crotch Freshener, Vajazzler Skin Glue gun, Galvanic Pubis Smoother and Shadeeze® Skin Tanning gun.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.