Crime

Guy caught masturbating in breezeway was fully aware he was masturbating in breezeway

A Boulder family got an eyeful recently when, during a routine drive to the bank, they saw a man making an unauthorized withdrawal. From his pants. Are you following?

The man, whose name I'll leave out on the off chance I ever get hammered and end up cranking it in a Boulder breezeway and am in need of some good breezeway-cranking karma, was found by police -- you guessed it! -- cranking it in a breezeway. And while I'm not certain I know exactly what a breezeway is, the fact that it has "breeze" in the name makes me think it's pretty well exposed.

Police say the man had been drinking but, according to the Daily Camera, "didn't seem to be unaware of his actions." Which is good. Because while cranking it in a breezeway within viewing distance of two children definitely makes for a bad day, cranking it in a breezeway within viewing distance of two children and not even knowing you're doing it? That's a really bad day.

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Joe Tone
Contact: Joe Tone