Hayden May Busted for Dopiest Pot Shop Robbery Ever: "Hey, I'm Desperate, Sorry"

Hayden May's alleged robbery of an Aspen dispensary wasn't exactly the perfect crime.

After all, everyone in the shop reportedly knew who he was — which may explain why he apologized during the heist.

Presumably, he's the one who's sorry now.

May fled the state after making his big score, and he got quite a ways.

But he was arrested in Missouri last night.

The photo gallery on May's Facebook page contains plenty of smoky images, including this one....

...and this one:

However, his need for weed apparently became all-consuming on July 28.

At around 12:30 p.m. that day, according to the Aspen Times, a man later identified as May walked into Stash, a dispensary located at 710 East Durant Avenue.

And he brought a hammer with him.

He hung around waiting for customers already in the shop to leave, the paper maintains, before brandishing the hammer at two employees, albeit in an apologetic manner.

"Hey, I'm desperate, sorry," Stash owner Garrett Patrick quoted him as saying in an interview with the Aspen Daily News.

After pulling a bag from his backpack and stuffing a large marijuana jar into it (it was valued at $11,000, the Daily News estimates), May started for the door — and when an employee tried to stop him, he allegedly shoved him into a wall and evaded him in a subsequent chase.

He also reportedly eluded customers at a nearby restaurant, who also tried to help grab him.

May got away by jumping into the Roaring Fork River and hiding in some bushes, the Times notes.

Figuring out whodunit didn't exactly require a Sherlock Holmes-esque intellect. 

“He’s friends with my employees,” Patrick told the Times. “His brother used to work for me. He’s a local. Everyone knows him.”

That included members of the Aspen Police Department, who quickly got into contact with members of May's family, who are said to have communicated with him — and encouraged him to surrender to authorities.

Instead, he split — but the Daily News reveals that he was nabbed on Interstate 70 near St. Louis at around 7 p.m. last night. He's expected to face felony charges of aggravated robbery of a controlled substance, theft and harassment.

And the quest for the perfect crime continues. Here's a look at May's booking photo.

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts