Today's Schmuck of the Week selection is multi-faceted.
It's both a schmucky salute to Derreck DeWitt, an alleged serial burglar currently living in the Grand Junction area, and a reminder to possible future Schmucks that DNA can stick to anything.
Even a rock.
Despite his relative youth, the twenty-year-old DeWitt, seen in this triptych of self-portraits....
...has had his share of run-ins with the law, as witnessed by this mug shot....
...and a humorous meme that he shared on his Facebook page:
The caption that accompanies this graphic on DeWitt's timeline reads: "I never get #shotgun."
DeWitt's offense of choice appears to be burglary. According to the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel , authorities had previously charged him with the crime in regard to break-ins at four businesses on the Western Slope — two in July 2015, two more in July 2016.
The M.O. in all four was similar. Authorities say the perpetrator used a rock, brick or similar projectile to access the joints, after which he got into the cash registers found there by dropping them on the floor.
Then, earlier this month, DeWitt was advised in court about possible new charges related to a fifth burglary — this one at a Which Wich restaurant in Grand Junction amid what appears to have been one of his aforementioned active periods, July 2015.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
In that case, forced entry into the Which Wich was accomplished with a rock — and police maintain that after they tested it for DNA, they found multiple samples from DeWitt on it.
Which puts DeWitt between a rock and a hard place.