The Job, as posted online: New Year's Day Masseuse
Responsibilities: Seeking a relaxing massage for one or two couples on New Years Day (2 to 4 people, Straight, No Sexual Innuendos) 12:00 PM to 3:00 PM on New Years Day.
Qualifications: Certified Massage Therapist preferred
Pay: Best rate
What it doesn't say: "No Sexual Innuendos" Riiiigghhtt. That's why you're posting on Craigslist. This might not be the right way to kick off a new decade.