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Jobbed: Tales from the help-wanted ads, October 1 edition

Having trouble finding work? You're not alone. Follow Jobbed every Thursday as we troll for the weird, the wacky and the worst of what the recession-era world of job ads has to offer. The job: Pipe layer

Pay: Not available, although a hard hat, a safety vest and one pair of safety glasses will be provided.

Responsibilities: Laying main-line water, sewer and storm pipe, as well as water and sewer services. Setting structures, setting fire hydrants, pouring manholes, setting up pipe lasers, shooting grade, street cuts, wet taps, cut in tees/valves. We only do commercial work, no residential.

Qualifications: If you cannot produce verifiable experience with the things listed above, we're sorry, but you will not be considered. Please, take no offense but, we are not looking for people who think they can be a pipe layer "with a little practice." We are very busy and don't have the time to do any "on the job training." You are either a pipe layer, or not.

What it doesn't say: There are two kinds of people in this world. Pipe layers and those who don't lay pipe. And frankly, if you're "reading this add," you're probably not a pipe layer because pipe layers are men, and men have jobs. Man jobs. Jobs that men do. Other men are jealous of pipe layers. Chicks dig guys who can lay pipe. But if you're a pipe layer, you already know that, which you don't, because you're "reading this add." No offense.

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