Kenny Be's Yard Arteology: Big Rock Gazebo Mountain

The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

Figure 9. University: Big Rock Gazebo Mountain

Before the advent of extreme sports, day-tripping Denverites moved slowly enough on mountain trails to notice things like rocks. No recreational outing to "the hills" was complete without the return of a trunkful of the prettiest and/or most manageable mineral specimens. Only the shiniest of these rocks would ever take up residence indoors for further adoration. The remaining boulders and stones would be arranged in rows and mounds to form what we now refer to as the "rock garden." Rock gardens are found on every street of every subdivision of the city -- but primarily in the yards of people who struggle with unhappiness due to disappointment with their surroundings.

From the rock garden in this photo, it is evident that this homeowner's misery has spread across the yard and is now reaching ever skyward in the form of cascading falls and shallow pools. Probable cause can be attributed to the 25-foot concrete Interstate-highway retaining wall seen as a bright white square in the far background. The massive timbers seen in the foreground seem to indicate that this "gazebo" structure will actually be the base of the 36,000-gallon water-catchment tank provided to supply the monthly needs of this particular rock garden's numerous water features. Evidence further suggests that work on this rock garden will continue until the builder can find happiness sitting on his pine-log bench, where the rushing waters of his handiwork can drown out the roar of his discontent.

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