The yard pictured above clearly showcases how "American Crapitalism" has ruined the world's best holiday. Halloween is an ancient autumnal ritual of impersonating the dead and tossing bones into bonfires to placate evil spirits. It is celebrated on October 31, because that is the one day of the year when the boundary between the real world and the underworld dissolves. However, in America, the flesh-eating goblins and roaming packs of the living dead have all been replaced with animated airblown-rising vampire coffins, terra cotta jolly double-pumpkin chimineas and trick-or-treat strawberry Care Bears. If you scan this yard long enough, you'll probably even see a light-sensor-activated permaplastic bag-of-doggy-doo novelty from Hallmark that blinks on and off, wails with a recording of demoniacal laughter and opens to reveal a cache of fun-size Snickers bars.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Look below to see the gory details...