Kenny Be's Yard Arteology: Neighborhood horse house

The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

Figure 14. Sloan Lake: Equus Christ and the fence mounts

The major trend in yard arteology has been to provide a "holistic" account of yard artists without any connotation of "inferior." Most arteologists strive to use terms such as "conceptual" or "imaginative" to refer to people who use non-traditional ornaments in their yards. Arteologists are interested in human variation and in the possibility of universal human joy through personal expression. However, according to a recent article published in The Mile High Journal of Decoration, some neighbors use yard art to repel. While, the most offensive yard artists may want to piss off their neighbors, the garden-variety offenders are merely trying to use whatever surplus is available to scare away the birds.

The crazy horses in figure 14 demonstrate the true genius of a homeowner who is using some imagination to claim his personal space. Anyone who has gardened for more than 48 hours in Denver knows that urban wildlife only laughs at gardeners who purchase those plastic owls from the garden center. Using plastic ponies in acrobatic poses suggests that this resident is playing a high-stakes mind game to freak out the streetwise birds and gangs of squirrels that are so hellbent on destruction. The placement indicates that these are not the mere leavings of an overly tall and forgetful child. The crucifixion of the white horse on the cross is evidence that this yard artist may also be trying to repel missionaries bearing invitations to Sunday services. Better luck next door.

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