In the words of Bart’s bespectacled sidekick, “Everything’s turning up Millhouse!” If by “Millhouse” you mean Adam Cayton-Holland and by “everything,” you mean, like, found a sick-ass painting in his alley this morning. Straight up and down, clown.
For whatever reason, my alleyway seems to attract discarded debris of all variety. Maybe there’s a disproportionate number of dumpsters in my alley, maybe the block is so rapidly gentrifying that turnover of houses is frequent, and thus the tossing of unwanted items is as well. Regardless, my alley is a veritable Goodwill bonanza of crap, except without all the women toting oxygen tanks and douchebags searching out ironic T's. This morning was no exception and as I exited my garage and drove past the three dumpsters closest to my house, I thought to myself, “Oh wow, look at this fresh-supply of crap! Doesn’t even look like the bums have even picked over it yet, what a gold mine! Look, there’s a charcoal grill. Wonder how many squirrels that thing’s going to cook up beneath overpasses along Cherry Creek”
But then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a painting.
“Is that an original painting of two Mexican wrestlers going at it?” I thought as I drove away.
It couldn’t be. Fuck it, I had to check. So I reversed down my alley, deftly avoiding telephone poles, only to find that it was, in fact, an original painting of two Mexican wrestlers doing battle! Gadzooks, who would be so foolish as to throw such a thing away? I quickly gathered the painting and placed it in my garage, checking over my shoulder the whole time, like I was doing something wrong. But nobody came out and shouted at me for stealing such a prize, and now it is mine.
I have christened the painting, “El Conejo Hiper Enojado Contra El Hombre Anticristo,” or, in English, “The Really Angry Rabbit vs. The Antichrist Man.” I have been to the Louvre, I have been to the Prado, and I can say with the utmost certainty, that this is the most beautiful painting I have ever seen. If you would like to see it, get in touch with me and we will work out a price of admission to my garage. A PBR will probably work. Or two hugs.
Let the lucha libre begin!
-- Adam Cayton-Holland