Colorado Springs' Lucas Hinch committed murder on Monday.
He admits it.
As for the victim, it's been identified as Hinch's Dell computer, which he dispatched with eight gunshots.
And even though Hinch was cited in the assassination, he clearly doesn't feel bad about the slaying.
The item about Hinch on the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter couldn't be more straight to the point: "Man Kills His Computer."
According to the CSPD, officers responded on Monday, April 20, to an alley near the 2200 block of West Colorado Avenue, an area captured in the following interactive graphic. If you have problems seeing the image, click "View on Google Maps."
There, they found Hinch, who the CSPD report says "was fed up with fighting his computer for the last several months" — so "he took the computer into the back alley and fired eight shots into the computer with a handgun, effectively disabling it."
Plenty of us have fantasized doing the same thing. But it turns out that discharging a firearm within Colorado Springs city limits is against the law. As a result, Hinch received a citation.
Our attempts to reach Hinch have been unsuccessful thus far — but in an interview with the Los Angeles Times, he sounds like a man who feels the computer had it coming.
Prior to the assassination, he told the Times the Dell gave him "the blue screen of death." He conceded that "it was extremely frustrating. I reached critical mass."
That's when he grabbed his 9mm pistol, and after putting the computer in a spot where he could be certain no bullets would ricochet, he pulled the trigger again and again and again.
Afterward, he had no regrets. Far from it.
"It was glorious," he said. "Angels sung on high."
Our verdict: The computer got what it deserved.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.