Mile Highs and Lows: One Man Mobile Dispensary

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This dispensary has closed.

As Colorado's medical-marijuana industry grows, marijuana dispensaries of all types and sizes are proliferating around the state. Some resemble swanky bars or sterile dentist offices; others feel like a dope dealer's college dorm room. To help keep them all straight, Westword will be offering a no-holds-barred look at what goes on behind these unusual operations' locked doors in "Mile Highs and Lows," a regular online review of dispensaries around the metro area and beyond. (You can also search our directory of dispensaries for one near you.)

This week, William Breathes reviews One Man Mobile Dispensary:

One Man Mobile Dispensary 100 West 14th Avenue www.tinyurl.com/2s4x6q

Hours of operation: "Whenever I ain't being hassled by the five-oh." Owner: (Asked not to be named) Owner's statement: "I'm stating that I got the best weed you've ever seen, son." Opened: April 1, 2010 Raw marijuana price range: Nickel sacks for $5, dime sacks for $10, twenty sacks for $20 and quarters for $25. Other types of medicine: No other marijuana medicine, but owner said he knows where to get "real strong" medicine as well. Patient services and amenities: Delivery within park boundaries

Our take: About a week ago I was out at a party and some guys I didn't know were smoking a joint of some interesting-smelling herb in the back yard. I walked up, introduced myself and, before taking a hit, asked if they were all medical cardholders. They all looked at me like I was crazy, which I took to mean that they all were. Anyway, after coughing my lungs up and getting a wicked head-rush, I asked the guys what strain it was and what dispensary they got it from.

One of the guys laughed and said it was called "Kaybee" and it came from the One Man Mobile Dispensary in Civic Center Park. The guys all laughed again like I was missing something, so I made it my mission to seek out the strain and the dispensary for myself.

I drove to downtown Denver and looped around the area a couple of times, finally parking by the library and walking over to the park to ask around. I meandered around the pathways, passing up some "good smoke" from a couple of dudes. One guy offered me some strain called "Hubba" that was so covered in white crystals that it looked like one giant crystal. I asked those guys if they were employees of the dispensary on break or something, but they all acted like they had never heard of it.

This place was already starting out bad on my rating scale due to being hard to find and no signage. Right as I was about to give up, I walked past this guy in patchwork pants who asked me if I needed any "Kaybees." I smiled and turned to ask if he was the budtender. "Whatever you want to call me, sure," he said.

He looked confused by my story of looking for the dispensary in the park for the last thirty minutes. I tried chit-chatting about the skinny pit bull puppy named Giza that he had on a hemp twine leash, but he turned to me abruptly and cut me off.

"Do you want some weed or what, man?" he asked.

I explained how I was looking for a strong sativa, and after staring at me for a minute with a confused look, he started looking into his backpack.

"Uh, yeah man," he said flippantly. "This shit will get you baked, okay?"

I hadn't been to a mobile dispensary before, but apparently things are different here than they are at regular dispensaries. I didn't really get the sense that he wanted to get to know me as a patient. Also, the security seemed lax and the guy never asked for my MMJ card or ID. When I pulled them out to show him, he acted like he didn't care. Now that I think about it, I didn't have to fill out any paperwork, either.

The ganja comes in sizes based on how much money you want to spend -- not how much you want. I got what he called a "twenty," which turned out to be just over five grams. After he slapped the tiny baggie in my hand in a cool, high-five action, he quickly walked away, tugging Giza along behind him. I didn't get a chance to check out the herb I was buying beforehand, which is a real problem in dispensaries. I didn't think he took the time to get to know my needs, medically. He kept glancing around as I was talking to him and he pretty much answered all my questions with the same: "Yeah, uh-huh."

At home, I pulled out the bag and unwrapped a chunk of densely packed nuggets. After a half-hour or so of picking out seeds from the little brick, I was able to get a good look at the ganja. I was pleasantly surprised at how few seeds came out -- only about fifteen in total -- and how it smelled so dank that it was almost like mold. Still, I think it could have been dried and cured better.

I decided a joint was a good way to test out this strain, so I pulled out my Zippo and my Randy's papers with a wire guide in them and twisted one up. The herb burned well, with a slight diesel taste to it. Not a Sour Diesel, though -- more of a petroleum diesel. The taste was strong enough that the one seed I missed that popped at the end didn't ruin the doobie for me. I started to get a pretty strong head-rush from the herb, but had to lay down with an awful allergy headache about thirty minutes later.

Unfortunately my girlfriend threw out the rest of my bag because she somehow mistook it for dirt, so I didn't get to sample it again.

Overall, I can see how the One Man Mobile Dispensary would be a good stop for people living and working downtown. Still, something about the place gives the vibe that this is less about providing medicine and more about some dude simply selling pot in the park.

The Wildflower Seed and William Breathes are the pot pen names of our two alternating medical marijuana dispensary reviewers. Read their bios here.

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