More Snickers

After a few weeks of counseling, Ted Haggard -- who just reached a settlement with the New Life Church that dictates he never talk about the Mike Jones scandal that led to his resignation from the church he founded -- insists he's "completely heterosexual." Never mind the gay porn, the meth and the "massages."

Love to know how Haggard and his crew of counselors arrived at that conclusion so quickly -- maybe by having Haggard pull out chest hairs, like those now-banned Snickers eaters in the most controversial Super Bowl commercial? -- Patricia Calhoun

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