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PleasuresDudes at RAINN

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The charity foundation RAINN, which stands for Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, invited us, the PleasuresDudes, to their charity red carpet event to report about all the celebrities and goings on.

The evening started two hours before the event was to take place because I wanted us to get a great spot on the red carpet. We are kinda used to just working with porn stars and this was going to be a night of many different types of celebrities, so I -- Rusty Boner, the blonde, crazy PleasuresDude -- was a little nervous. Derf Diggler, my best friend and other PleasuresDude, was as cool as a cucumber getting ready to be sucked by Jenna Jameson with a reverse reach around from Tera Patrick!

The first little princess to walk down the red carpet was recording artist Kimberly Cole. She told us about her new single coming out and I asked her where her favorite place to be massaged was. She said her feet, so right there on the red carpet I gave her a special PleasuresDudes tongue massage. You should have seen her face. I’d for sure call it an “O face!”

Shawnna Lenee was the next victim. Shawnna is last month’s Hustler magazine cover girl and a former Penthouse cover girl. I really liked her face and body and we fully for sure let her know it -- yummy! Jennifer Barron was the next; she plays Marianne on General Hospital and is also in Will Smith’s upcoming movie 7 Pounds. I made sure to let her know I liked her by gently caressing her very pert, tight little ass. She purred just like a soap opera little kitten.

The next gnarly babe was a girl I have always wanted to meet -- third ranked surfer girl in the world Hannah Cornett. First question I asked my new found surf goddess was, "Are ya scared of sharks?" She said she tries not to think about it but a thirteen footer was spotted near her in her last gnarly competition. Derf asked her what the biggest wave she was ever riding was and she said an eighteen-footer and it was fully insane. I kissed her and she was on her little-surfer-girl way down the red carpet.

Next came porn actress Madison Scott who told us she now is with A-list Talent. I asked her to show us how she gives fellatio and she asked on what, so I pointed to my dick. Instead gave both Derf and I head on our pointing finger and I could tell she really knew what she was doing. The next person to walk down the carpet was an amazing man! His name is Mauricio Saravia and he is dieing from the rare "elephant man disease." He is a renowned artist and poet and has a book on his life coming out soon. He was an amazing person to talk to and a very strong individual to be able to have such a great outlook on life with such a harsh and horrific disease. It strikes one in about a million and is a crippling bone disease.

The next dude to cruise down the carpet was Gunner Wright, actor in the film The Perfect Game and the upcoming 2009 film GI Joe. He threw us a few of his groupies later on in the evening and they were totally sweet!

Fiftieth-anniversary Playboy playmate Colleen Shannon was next and she asked us if we'd book her in Denver. I told her that I’d like to book her in bed and show her my back tongue technique, a simple oral trick I have been teaching porn stars for the last 2 years. She really liked us and gave us her phone number -- and yes it was real! Colleen is a top DJ and Playboy bunny. Our new good friend Fawn, the record producer, writer, and music mogul, was next down the carpet and later on in the party she hooked us up with lots of her celebrity friends. It was at this time that I realized there were about 350 paparazzi around us and it was like a feeding frenzy. It’s a good thing I’m one tough son of a bitch because these guys were everywhere, but Derf and I were in the best spot with our crew and we held our mutha fucking ground!

I heard people screaming and I saw our great friend daisy from VH1's Rock of Love 2. She ran right up to us and said, “I know you guys.” She was in one of the first Pleasures commercials ever and it was so great to see her. I told her, “I could just eat you up, you look so good.” She told me maybe in Denver when she cruises down in four weeks. I was so surprised to see Leyla Milani from NBC's Deal or No Deal. She tried to get away from us but for some reason her nice manager made her do some TV with us. She is case number 13 on Deal or No Deal and she is hotter then most adult film stars, with the most incredible eyes ever. She told us to look for her movie The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down on DVD and her part in WWE's Wrestlemania on DVD also. She was so hot I was sporting a major pocket pistol.

Our final guest on the red was the one and only Coolio, the famed hip-hop artist. He was so nice and respectful that we took the interview in the party at Elevate lounge upstairs, where he did a segment for our new revamped TV show (on ABC's channel 7, Late Night with the PleasuresDudes, late-night Friday night at 12:37 a.m. right after Comics Unleashed). The segment Coolio did was “How to Pick Up on Women by Coolio.” It was hilarious! He told us his new album was Steal Again and that in October he has a reality show coming out and presently a cooking show called Cooking with Coolio. We then hung out with Mayhem from NBC's American Gladiators and had more drinks with our little surfer girl and porn star friends. Elevate lounge has a view that fully kicks ass and I wanted to thank the rad people that invited us -- London, Ryan ,and Jonathan -- for letting us have so much fun doing what we do best: play with people while we talk to them about their exciting lives and also pick up on grade-a pussy at the same time. Check us out at myspace.com/PleasuresDudesparty. -- The PleasuresDudes

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