Pop Quiz

1. The Endangered Species Act celebrates its thirtieth anniversary this month. Which targeted critter became the focus of an early fight?

A. Plympton’s penguin.

B. The snail darter.

C. Colorado lynx.

D. Dobbs’s bacteria.

2. Speaking of endangered, upon hearing that Homeland Security czar Tom Ridge endorsed legal illegals, Congressman Tom Tancredo said:

A. “He’s flirting with becoming extinct.”

B. “We have laws on the books that call for him to find and deport these people, and if he is unwilling to do so, he should resign.”

C. “D’oh!”

D. “He does have a point. Maybe it’s time to rethink this stuff. After all, eight million Mexicans can’t be wrong.”

3. Denver City Council president Elbra Wedgeworth has announced this change, which becomes effective at the January 5, 2004, council meeting:

A. The balance of a previously unregulated slush fund used for “baked goodies” will now be announced regularly.

B. The meetings will be translated by a signer for deaf residents.

C. Citizens may only speak for ten minutes — total.

D. Council meetings will begin at 5:30 p.m., with public hearings scheduled for 6 p.m.

4. Fewer elk were plugged by hunters than expected this year, causing Department of Wildlife officials to note on their Web site:

A. These animals may look dumb, but they’re dumb like a fox.

B. Overall, the abilities of our marksmen and markswomen have been slipping.

C. It appears that mild weather has given the elk the upper hand.

D. Sometimes you get the elk; sometimes the elk get you.

5. Cultural bonus: Ryan, Trista. Trista, Ryan. Their December 6 wedding — televised on ABC last Wednesday — cost how much to make Trista an ex-Bachelorette?

A. More than was spent saving the snail darter.

B. About $4 mil, give or take those pink bridesmaids’ dresses.

C. Nothing, since sponsors picked up the nuptial tab.

D. About $100,000 — minus the $355 raised by Ryan Sutter’s Vail firefighter buds at a kegger.

Answers:

1. B. The snail darter, of course. But the feds built a Tennessee dam in the darter’s home waters, anyway.

2. B. Tancredo, Congress’s most outspoken illegal-immigration foe, called for Ridge to resign.

3. D. Meetings will begin an hour earlier than they have been.

4. C. It appears that…hey, shouldn’t that be “upper hoof”?

5. B. Reports say $4 million. But it was worth it for the ratings — and Ryan’s wedding poem.