| News |

Publicist forces Lance Armstrong's pregnant girlfriend to take down her Facebook and Myspace profiles

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

Once upon a time, Anna Hansen was your average blond, pretty, sorta-outdoorsy Colorado girl working as a waitress at Rio Grande in Boulder while attending CU. Four years later, after living abroad for a spell, she gets a job with a non-profit in Vail, takes up competitive mountain biking, starts dating the seemingly sterile cyclist Lance Armstrong and becomes astoundingly pregnant! Hooray!

But there is an evil character in this fairy tale - the sinister publicist who forced the vulnerable Hansen to take down her Facebook and Myspace profiles to the dismay of her many online friends. Booooo!!

In efforts to protect the multi-million dollar Armstrong brand, said publicist also apparently enacted a campaign of tight-lippedness regarding Hansen's pregnancy in an irrational hope the coming baby would stay secret from the media until after paternity was confirmed. The mystical cloud of fear was so potent that even a Westword reporter, who heard about the pregnancy several weeks ago, chose not to break the news in deference to sources. (The possession of this knowledge twisted the reporter into a Gollum-like creature who now dwells in cubicles and consumes only Sparks energy drinks.)

When CNN finally broke the news on Tuesday, the story exploded, emerging as a typical Lance Armstrong underdog tale of his sperm competing against overwhelming odds to win the Tour de Fetus. Meanwhile, Hansen's friends are forced to commiserate on Facebook without her. The moral of the story: social networking profiles are wonderful places for young people to waste enormous amounts of time and energy and should never be taken down ever. The end. - Jared Jacang Maher

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.