The Schmuck of the Week boardmembers continue to raise the bar on schmuckiness.
Rather than selecting nominees whose behavior mirrors dumbassery of the sort we've seen many times before, we're constantly on the lookout for those who get schmucky in new, fresh ways.
A prime example: Richard Ponds, who's been charged with second-degree assault for his alleged use of a most unlikely weapon.
A golf cart.
According to an arrest affidavit on view below, the Denver Police Department received a call at about 1:45 p.m. on April 3 in regard to "an accident with unknown injuries."
The report was amended a short time earlier to make it clear that "this was an aggravated assault and not an accident."
The victim in the case was Thomas Rudy, who was quizzed at Swedish Medical Center, where he was being treated for a laceration on the left side of his forehead that required six stitches, in addition to other injuries to ribs on his left side.
Rudy told an investigator that as he was golfing at Wellshire, one of the parties in the group ahead of him — later identified as Ponds — was sitting in a golf cart on the course even though he'd already finished his round.
The group with Rudy waited for several minutes before asking Ponds to move the cart.
In response, Ponds allegedly started "yelling, cursing and driving the golf cart toward Mr. Rudy," the affidavit maintains.
At first, Rudy stood his ground even though the cart was barreling toward him at what he thinks was full speed.
Then, as it became clear that the driver wasn't going to stop, Rudy says he tried to jump out of the way, only to have Ponds turn the cart in his direction and hit him with it before continuing to Wellshire's parking lot.
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Bad luck for Ponds that witnesses at the scene eyeballed his license plate number, and his identity was also confirmed by one of his golfing partners — someone who says he's known Ponds for sixteen or seventeen years. And Rudy's son picked a Ponds image out of a photo array placed before him.
Ponds is next due in court on May 17, but he's already arrived as a Schmuck of the Week — behind the wheel of a golf cart.
Look below to see Ponds's booking photo, followed by the arrest affidavit.